2 Tips To Feel Better When Your Boyfriend Ignores You
I know how it feels awful when your boyfriend ignores you.
Especially if you just reached out to your boyfriend with a text or call and he not only doesn’t answer immediately, he doesn’t respond even an hour or more later.
It comes off as though he’s flat out ignoring you.
And you think, “What should I do?”
Let’s go back.
All is well, and you decide you just want to hear his voice.
For a moment, you think, “Maybe I shouldn’t call him. Maybe I should wait.”
Then you get those thoughts of “But I’m a modern woman—no harm in me calling first.”
So off you go…almost so quickly you can’t stop yourself.
You’re feeling Cosmo magazine bold.
You call him.
A couple of rings and then his voice mail greeting starts.
You leave a message. You try to sound lighthearted.
No callback.
Silence.
Not silence. Death silence.
Do you start beating yourself up in the boxing ring called: WHY DID I THINK IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO CALL HIM?
Since he’s not there, (of course), you box yourself for a few quick rounds of:
…feeling idiot-like,
…with a few upper cuts of “I know better,”
…to finish it off with the knockout punch of “this always happens to me!”
With head hanging low in feelings of embarrassment, shame, and heart-blood oozing, you stumble out of the ring donning the robe of “Whatever. I’m cool. Doesn’t matter.”
Of course, it does matter.
He’s your boyfriend or soon to be the boyfriend, and he’s not answering your call, and he’s ignoring your voice message.
Click here now to get my FREE download that explains what to do in this situation.
You feel the pain when your boyfriend ignores you
When your boyfriend ignores you, you feel the ache of the death silence throughout your entire being.
It feels so very frustrating when you want to make contact with the guy you more than like in person, to get a high off of that connection, and yet he never seems to have the time or the inclination to return your calls or texts.
Or…
Instead of beating yourself up, you start to conjure up and daydream of punishments to teach him a lesson to NEVER IGNORE YOU AGAIN.
And I know you can be creative. Ingrained in you as a young child is “punishment creativity.”
Don’t believe me?
Watch my coaching video where in the middle of the video is a 6-year-old girl who uses her creativity to devise highly inventive ways to punish a guy who doesn’t call his girlfriend back an indicator of our societal conditioning early on…
What if you could instead feel fantastic instead of those moments of desperation and urgency when your boyfriend ignores you? And… maybe bring him closer even if he’s on the other side of town.
Wouldn’t that feel refreshing?
Walk with me to the pool where you are loved…
Society teaches us females the worst strategies for dealing with life, with men, with ourselves.
Anything you’ve done heretofore that felt poopy in the aftermath is simply from you being a good student of life and picking up the junk-ish strategies.
Like calling or texting a guy. Guys don’t like it.
He may tolerate it, making you assume he likes it, but he doesn’t really.
He will distance himself when you pursue him, or, he will use you for a booty call, and then distance. It doesn’t matter what he says. It matters what he does.
Download Now: Bonus Material from the Law of Romance
How were you to know that calling him could have such bad results?? You couldn’t.
Your guy wants you to hang back and just be living your lovely life so that there is this energetic space around you that invites him to come near. That space of being warm yet into your life more than into his life invites him to show up and be a boyfriend and do his boyfriend duties such as call you.
The second you break that space by going towards him with a phone call or text or stop-by, he gets a little afraid and takes a big step to distance himself so that he has space to try to figure out how he can regain his boyfriend duties.
Think of it this way: pretend you live on the 2nd floor of some lovely building and he is walking down your street thinking of coming to see you. He’s trying to decide.
Which is more inviting to him? Your window open and you leaning out the window waving at him and calling out his name, “Billy, up here! It’s me!” or your window open and he can sense that warm, comfy you are in there doing some thing that delights you? Without even seeing you, he will pick up that energy of the second scenario in the Law of Romance and push your doorbell. The first scenario with you flagging him down keeps him walking.
Once you flag him down or call him, even if it seems “every woman is doing the same thing,” you are left covered with poopy-strategy-residue. You feel terrible, wish you could get your boyfriend to stop ignoring you, etc.
Let’s clean off all of that yuck for you and him.
Tip #1: Right now, step into a shower.
“Uh, Christine. I’m at work. You want me to go get in the shower?”
Step into an imaginary shower.
Do this…it’s powerful.
It is a dry shower with sun rays beaming in from above and airy crystals that reflect rainbows of color streaming out of the shower-head.
The crystals don’t make contact with your body, but they magnetize and remove the negative thoughts, impulsive urges to connect with him first, need to control him, need to have the relationship your way on your time table, and need to make him respond.
Let the delicate crystals magnetize and pull out all those yucky strategies I just listed that make your man ignore you and wash them down the drain.
These energy exercises do work. Your mind will disagree, but your mind’s urgencies are part of the problem for you right now.
Those were the default strategies that society handed you.
They never, ever work with a masculine man in romance.
Ta-da.
That’s the distinction. In romance.
Do you know what he’s thinking?
He thinks he is the masculine man and he’ll decide when it’s time to reach out to you, so why is a woman (his girl) taking his job and ringing/texting him?
So you took the crystal shower to remove the yucky go-to strategies.
Now what?
You may feel hopeless like he’ll never reach out to you if you don’t reach out to him.
That’s defective thinking. The opposite is true.
He needs your warm and inviting space that you energetically create around you to feel inspired to pull out his boyfriend ninja moves.
Let’s create that space around you. Keep reading.
Tip #2: Let’s get in the Pool Where You Are Always Loved.
The water is your perfect temperature. It feels loving and liquid and surrounds and caresses every part of you.
There’s no struggle to keep from drowning. It’s a unique pool.
You can move through it like an astronaut in outer space. You are suspended yet you feel the warm liquid all around you.
You feel safe. You feel free. You can float or move without effort.
You can breathe.
Your mind is calm. You have no racing thoughts. Or thoughts of your guy.
You are not waiting for him. See my thought on this topic here.
It feels so good to feel this love caressing you.
A woman with high boyfriend appeal enjoys feeling caressed by love even when her guy isn’t present.
She gets in that pool when she needs to feel love and connect with her feminine self to avoid any buried urge to call the guy.
And if you are near an actual body of water, get near it or in it.
Water has an amazing soothing quality for us when we feel out of love with ourselves and this article may be interesting.
You’re smart. You choose to save yourself from any guaranteed heartbreak.
Because it’s his boyfriend job to call you and your job to create a warm feeling space around you to up your boyfriend appeal. That warm and inviting energy is what he seeks.
The benefit of taking care of you first, is the guy thinks you are instantly intriguing. Tweet this.
And when you are intriguing, the alpha man will come calling.
Your take away here is this: in romance, doing almost nothing but feel the great love in you and around you will create the safe space for him to come close to you. That is having Boyfriend Appeal!
Download Now: Bonus Material from the Law of Romance
How about you? Has your guy done the slow fade after you called him? Comment below.
Please share and comment below…
Loved it Christine!! 🙂 I love your forever love pool … and the trust in it that he WILL call if he is the man for you. Love, Sami
Great newsletter, Christine!!!
XO
Korina
Hi Korina,
Thanks so much!
Hi Sami,
Many thanks and feelin’ glad you like the ‘pool tool.’ Hey, that rhymes.
Hey I need advice I’m 16 and I have a boyfriend and he hasn’t responded to me for three days what should I do
Hi Breanna, Did you read my blog post?
Thank you I needed this article right now. I am in the current situation of not hearing from the person I am dating and wanting so bad to txt or call. That has never worked in the pass for me and your advice is so true. Planing to stay strong and love me first since I know I will get a txt or call when my partner is ready.
Hi Sade, Gosh, if all women would believe to be true what you said!! It’s great that you paid attention to what did and didn’t work before and to lean back from repeating what doesn’t work! Good for you, Sade. Hugs, Christine
I have been seeing this guy for nearly two months and only get to see him once a week he lives 50 Klms away when he comes to see me he drives that 100klms always brings me roses and chocolates I think our relationship is going great but I have some little doubts like why doesn’t he want to see me during the day (he works a lot) I want him to tell me if I am his girlfriend or not and sometimes he goes days without texting or calling
Some advice is desperately needed please
We met on a dating site and hit it off right away
At times he says he loves and misses me and other times he doesn’t
I have been married before for 27 years and now separated
He lost his wife 10 years ago and his little girl in an accident
Since then he has been in 2 relationships that he told me about that haven’t lasted long
I want this to work and need help please
He means the world to me he has met my friends and one of my daughters 23 years old and 3 of my grandkids and his even met and talked to my mum on the phone
Everyone loves him he is a romantic Greek guy who cares a lot about everyone
He also has anxiety about his own problems but says he wants to take it slow and at one stage said he wasn’t ready for a relationship and we were kinda over then we were back on again as we decided to take it slow
Since then he has told me he loves me then tells me his heart loves me I don’t know what that means and he misses me
Normally messages good morning xxx and calls me during the day
And good night xxx
I’m confused
Thanks
Hi Deb, Two months is too soon to be putting all this pressure on the relationship. I understand how it feels to want more and more assurances, but 8 weeks is too soon. Also, if you’re separated and not divorced you can’t fully be with him anyways.
I want to thank you for sharing this article, Christine. I’m currently in this situation right now, to where my boyfriend has been ignoring me for three days. I sent him a text message yesterday, and called twice, which happens to be once a day. At this point, I’m going to use this opportunity to focus on myself, since I shouldn’t have deal with a loss of appetite and sleepless nights. He can contact me whenever he’s ready.
Hi LaTrice,
I’m grateful this information helped and that you see the wisdom of taking care of you.
Best,
Christine
Yes I totally agree with the self nurturing and self preservation. If he is ignoring you and hasn’t called you for 3 days, Then guess what ladies. Wake up and smell the brew!! He is most definitely not that INTO. YOU. NEXT!! ……
It’s soo hard to keep myself from texting or calling him first because I miss him soo much.. but I’m going to be strong and not contact him 1st anymore. .
Hi Lisa,
Yes, that is the best course of action for sure. Instead of putting your energies into him (even mental or emotional), put your energies into YOU! That pays the best dividends.
Hugs,
Christine
I am currently in this situation right now with a man I have been dating, where he wanted “space”. I have done the no contact thing and it is going almost 2 weeks. Except my problem is I still have important items at his house. I have asked him if he wanted me to take my stuff while he wanted his “space” and his comment was NO. How long should I continue the no contact before asking or trying to arrange a time to go get my stuff? I think he is just trying to not hurt my feelings because taking my things is like a final good bye. But I don’t want him to think by taking my things that I have given up on us.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half and lately he has been so distant and not returning my calls. I think he is seeing someone else, but i’m not sure and I still have a key to his apartment (he hasn’t asked for it back yet). I’m just really confused right now! What should I do ladies?
How did this turn out for you, because I am in a similar situation? I would like to know how to deal with it.
Thank you.
Faith.
Hi Christine : I have been dating someone for 14 years . We lived together but he chose to leave. I had problems with his son. He moved into his mom’s house. We went on a vacation together. 3 weeks ago. After that our dog passed. I decided to get a new dog because I am alone and he didn’t like that. He wanted to pick the dog he wanted but I decided to pick what I wanted. He gets upset for the dumbest things. It’s been 3 weeks I havent heard from him. I call and text and he ignores me. The only text I got was he’s been busy and he would call me tomorrow. I know he’s punishing me because I didn’t listen to him because he was not involved in buying a dog. The dog was my idea. I have texted him saying I am fed up with the silent treatment and I will no longer text or call him. If he needs to talk to me he has to face me. I am still waiting for his response. I will no longer do this to myself. He is feeding off my energy. Please let me know what I should do. Thanks
Breathe. Next week will be different.
Dear Christine thank you so much for this Article I really needed to read strongly encouraging words.. As we all know us women are very emotional and it deeply aches when our love one ignores us completely without explanation. We want to chase which I bomb text him and bomb called him but after 2nd day I had to get a hold of myself and stop. Its been 5 days now and no word yet. But your words of loving myself more and puttung myself first is more important. Im an amazing woman that I need to focus more on loving myslef then chasing love. So when he is ready I hope I wont be to busy becuase I might end up liking it. Im an amazing woman and to me Mr Right shouldnt put someone they love through this.. Thank you again
Hi Nikki,
Thanks for your heartfelt comment. We’ve all been there and lost it over a guy, but you did the wise thing to realize “hey, I have to make this more about me and not about him.”
Many hugs,
Christine
Hey Christine chanced upon ur article loved it will finally get things right in my life and do these exercises , thanks a lot for this beautiful piece of wisdom
Thank you, Kavita.
Hi, I have been dating my guy for 1 yr 3 no. Everything was going good until he got a promotion at work. The new work has stressed him out tremendously. He works a lot more, and announced last Monday that He will be working the 2nd shift which will limit our time together even more. I texted him on Wed night that we needed to talk….as I wanted to discuss working out time to be with each other to support his new schedule. He called me Thursday night asking what I needed to talk about, he was tired and needed some alone time. I said I preferred not to discuss it on the phone. He got upset raising his voice…demanding I talk right then. I said it wasn’t important we could talk later after he took his space. He insistrd I tell him, so I started to tell hijm, he continued to cut me off and assume things that were not true. He hung up and has ignoredme since. Cold treatment. I texted a couple of notes to him a day later, no response still. What should I do now.
Hi Lisa, Guys don’t like to be told what to do. You told him “We need to talk.”
Any of us would have reacted the same way as he did. I encourage you to sign up for this:
https://courses.christinerichhanson.com/p/monthly-email-coaching
It’s one-on-one monthly email coaching with me at the best rate ever. If you want to turn things around with your guy…
My Boyfriend won’t answer my messages because I said some horrible things to him when we were on holiday two weeks ago,the only thing he has said is he doesn’t think things could ever be the same I don’t know what to do I’m getting sick not hearing from him,I’m afraid to call in case he won’t answer l,he’s a Scoprpian and very stubborn,
HI CHIRSTINE!!! i have been in a relationship for 10mnths. everything was well and good. suddenly my boyfriend tells that he doesnt want me because of his family background that his parents may not accept us.he also tells that he needs me in his life.he makes efforts to talk to me…but also ignores me at the same time….i seriously cannot understand what he actually wants.he pushes me away by lieing that he already has a girlfriend which is totally a lie….he just ignores me ….i really feel lost …im so confused….but i love him a lot…..can u please help me with this
Hi Priyanka,
It sounds like he’s conflicted with meeting his parent’s expectations of him and not disappointing them. UGH. Culturally they are imposing on him. I hope he wakes up that he can’t live his life for them, and may be throwing away your true love. Let’s see if he can work though this.
I happened across this today. Thank you for this great article! I’ve spent the last few days absolutely not contacting him. Well, we work together. I arrived feeling good and happy. Then I saw him and realized that I’m really angry at his behavior. I’m trying to be light and happy, but I’m sure it’s more tinged with anger than I realize. Any suggestions for dealing with the “you’ve been acting like a spoiled middle schooler and I don’t have time for your nonsense” anger when you do see him again?
Hi Rachel,
It sounds like you’re broken up if you’ve been no-contacting him. So you want to know how not to get angry when you see him? Change your thoughts. Don’t focus on him.
Hi Christine,
My boyfriend and I met at his job and we have been inseparable ever since but 2 months ago told me he needed space, as his personal and job life is getting to him, he has no time for nobody as he said it’s not just me his not talking to, it’s everyone. I continued to see him on his lunch break every day but he said I was stressing him out as I only ever spoke about us, so I cut it done to once a week. The last I saw him I cried asking what’s going on I need closure, he told me Do what makes you happy, if you can wait it out then stay if you can’t then go, He than kissed me saying I love you, which he always does.
It’s like he loves me but wants me to leave.
I am in day 6 of the no contact rule nor have I had lunch with him.
Thank you for your loving words of advice
Hi Ebony,
He’s basically broken up without saying it so there’s no “scene” at work. Don’t take his crumbs. Those are my loving words for you. Go love you.
Hi Christine,
An Ex of 6yrs ago reached out and we met up. It was all sparks then he asked me back in his life and promised not to hurt me and apologised for the past,He said he was so in love with me that it scared him, he mentioned something about his wish to to settle down and introduce his gf to his parents for the first time and he said he couldnt imagine anyone better, he sounded so mature and resolved in his words, which was not the same in the past, he said he’d been closely following me on social media but didnt have courage to reach out earlier. We then started talking,mostly he’d text gdmrng first then i’d respond after sometime then he would take so long before his next text. One day i responde to his gdmrng text and asked how his morning was but he never responded yet he was online till night – he just called me and expressed how hectic his day was at work – I decided not to nag about his silence now that he already had a tough day. The next day he was alittle consistent with texting back then at apoint I got held up at work and didnt respond till night then he called and I was surprised that he really complained that I didnt respond to him. He wanted an explanation why,so I explained and apologised & we were all good. The next day I texted him “Goodmorning hun” which is usually his way of texting me, but to my shock he just responded with “morning” so i asked him why such a cold responce, he hurriedly called me & apologised so sweetly &started texting nicely. That evening he didnt call as usual so I got worried and called him. He responded so coldly & when I asked what was wrong he said he didnt wanna talk then,he wanted to sleep – he had a long day, I just wised him goodnight though I was hurt. The next day I was to pick something I needed from his office but I didnt go – just to keep off from him, neither didnt I text or even call. I then travelled out of town for an event he alrdy knew about and after 2 days of no contact from me or him, he suprisingly just texted me “am sorry” since I wasnt sure what to text back i waited till the next day and texted “why?’ .Its now the 2nd day and he hasnt responded yet I can see him online, he views all my whatsapp status. I really like him but dont understand him. Please advise. What should I do.
Hi Lucie, You ask me “what should I do” and I ask you “do about what?”
Hi christine, thanks very much. This article is very educative and makes me more stronger cause it’s upto 3weeks that my bf have bee ignoring me
Yay!!! Good deal!
Hello Christina , what great article I like it but I have really different problem
I have no problem to meet guys but when I starting to see them , they all like one from first or second meeting telling me that they want serious relationship that I am woman of their life etc and this me pushing off !!!
I am very ordinary woman but always myself, I want romance, I want this excitement of dating but I hate when guys pushing me for serious relationship on the beginning
I don’t know what I am doing wrong , because I am thinking I am always myself
Thank you Irena
Hi Irena,
We need to bottle up your feminine energy and sell it for other women who are too much in masculine energy! Without knowing more specifics, it may be you’re a natural at feminine and guys fall hard, but if they are truly going for “serious” by date two, that’s insecure men. Whenever you date, you’ll meet all types. Hold your ground and tell them “That’s too fast to hear and I feel overwhelmed.” See what they do then. Can they be responsive to your needs? If not, dump them and date others.
Hugs,
Christine
I feel so sad,I tried everything to make it work,give him my salary just to make him happy,but he nva gets happy with me,if i don’t call he won’t call,if I don’t text he won’t text,I feel like calling him but I will try not to,am so sick nd confused,don’t know wat I did to deserve this from him…
I really need help,cos i don’t know wat to do..
Hi Precious,
Do less for him. He’s taking advantage of you. And NEVER give him your salary. Guys don’t fall in love over what you give them.
Start dating other men, fast.
Hugs,
Christine
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 years now. We got in a heated argument over message. The next morning I wished him good morning and he ignored my message. I didn’t message him all day until the next day, asking him is he angry and why did he ignore me. He still hasn’t replied. I feel hurt, confused and upset. I feel like I was too needy and just wanted more of his love. He is always good to me and always replies. 2 years ago the same thing happened. We got into an argument and he ignored me, I couldn’t handle it so I broke up with him. 3 months later we got back together.
I don’t want to lose him but I don’t know what to do. I feel like messaging him but at the same time I’m scared he will drift away further fro me.
What do you think I should do? I’m afraid.
Hi Sally,
I know how awful this feels to be in.
Here’s the thing… if you keep prodding with “why, why, why” you know he’ll run. If he’s come back before, he’ll likely return again. Then when all is calm, get curious and discover his reason for bolting and see if there’s anything you can change about you, or, if it’s his issues. If it’s all his issues, then you have to decide if you want to put up with his hot/cold routine.
Hugs,
Christine
I have exactly the same case, what am I supposed to do? I gave him space for almost a day and then texted him and he didn’t reply and the day of the argument when he started to ignore me it is because i was bomb calling him, now it is the second day what should I do?
Two days isn’t space.
I been engaged for 11 months this month. Me and my fiance are talking and texting on the phone everyday and night. Yhen one morning i just ask him if he saw my message then he gets angry with me. He talk to me yesterday but only little time then after that he never message me back or answering my call. So i try to messenge him again yesterday at past 12 am but still he didnt reply or even read it. Then today i send him message but still no reply. Is he going to break up with me? Please i need help.. (Advice).thanks
Hi Cathy, I can’t tell you what he’s doing. Just live your life, don’t approach him, and let’s see what he does in a few days. Then when he returns, just ask him from a curiosity not from an attack what caused him to leave.
And then LISTEN.
Best,
Christine Rich Hanson
Hi,
My boyfriend has been ignoring me for 2 days. I texted him twice but I got no reply. Throughout the past 4 years, he never gave me this kinda silent treatment but I did for few times and he’d always text me no matter what. So the arguement started when he wouldn’t let me join his colleagues for a movie. I was not invited to join his friends since 2 years ago and our relationship is so lowkey that his friends would doubt my existence. We were arguing about how he avoids to bring me out to meet his friends and then we stopped. After 2 hours, I called him multiple times in a row because I am being paranoid when he never texts back. I hate myself for being so insecure. He ignored my calls and texted me saying he is not even going to try anymore. I started spam calling him again. He just wouldn’t pick up. This time he really stop contacting me and I don’t know how to react to this. If he wanted to end things with me, at least tell and give closure. Should I go to his house and ask for a confrontation?
Hi Olivia,
As difficult as it might seem, you have to no contact him until he comes back. There’s nothing you can do to change his mind until he wants to come back. That’s your best shot.
Best, Christine
Thank you for the advice. Its so hard when you get mixed signals. My fiancé and I had a big fight but he only see what I have done wrong and never what he does. Its now been two and a half weeks and he texts back and hangs out for a day or two and then ignores me for days. He says he is still angry and I need to work on myself and be patient so I am going to try but I feel it is cruel to treat someone you love this way. I do not want to be used. Is it healthy for men to act this way? Is it healthy to be in a relationship where they can kick you out over a fight and erase feelings so easily?
Hi CC,
In a way it is healthy for the man or a woman to take space if their mate is coming at them with baggage or issues that the mate shouldn’t have to deal with. We’re all responsible for our old stuff and when we get triggered, it’s best to get a coach to work through it so it doesn’t contaminate the relationship.
Hugs, Christine
I have a long distance bf (only an hour away). I usually go see him due to his schedule is more hectic than mine. (He owns his own business). When we are together it’s a good time. He feels like home. He used to message me and call me all the time. Now we barely speak a couple times a day via text and if anyone calls it’s usually me. He texts me most mornings but it’s usually just a “good morning”. And then it’s hours before I hear back. Which he is busy. Then at night I usually don’t hear from him hardly at all anymore. But he is active on social media. He doesn’t ascknowledge me on social media and I really don’t think he is talking to someone else. He’s been cheated on in the past and we’ve had deep convos about that. This week I found that I’m having to move to keep my finances in line safely. He says he’s not ready to move in, which I understand and he says he’s happy with the way things are. He gets frustrate when I bring up “POW wows” about our relationship but I told him that’s just my way of communicating. He says he’s happy. Last night however, I found out my dad might have cancer. I called him to talk and he wasn’t very sympathetic with me. This after he spent all day without texting me except the usual good morning. While we are on the phone he answered several text messages and kept ignoring my direct questions. I even at one point kindly said hey telling me you felt I was financially unstable hurt my feelings. He brushed me off and I addressed it again. All I got was a very sarcastic “I’m sorry?”. We got off the phone shortly after with a quick I love you and he said he would talk to me in the morning. I text him after to say I was sorry for coming across mean if I did and I didn’t hear anything from him. Then I see him active on social media. He doesn’t post anything he never likes anything I post or etc. I just don’t know. He says he loves me and wants things to continue and doesn’t have any plans to leave. I just feel hurt. I love him. He is a very good man. I just don’t know what to do to get back to where he was mushy and excited to be with me again and showed it.
Hi Annie,
Like many women, you are in all masculine energy dealing with your guy and it’s a turn off. There are lots of little things you’re doing (that you have zero idea are masculine) and it makes him want to create space in the hopes you’ll change. The ONLY thing alpha guys enjoy is feminine energy. It’s an entire other language our culture doesn’t teach. It’s the opposite of wearing the pants or the other extreme of whining and complaining. Guys don’t want a dude and they don’t want to hear misery. So they check out and hang out on video games, social media or at work. Your goal? Learn to be in feminine energy which is complicated. It’s soft and way stronger than masculine energy.
Hugs, Christine
Hi Christine, my bf and i of 6yrs have been going through a tough time. Recently he has been distant, we have never been in a situation like this. We decided that we would take a break. Checking in from time to time. The problem is the lack of communication on my part. I have been working on it and working on myself. When we last spoke he said he was thinking ending things, but agreed that our relationship deserves a chance and seeing if we can fix things. Now we hardly speak, i suppose because of the break. I want to show him that we i am making changes for the better, but it seems like i cant because we don’t talk and see each other. Do you have any advice on how i can show him that I want our relationship to work. Hes amazing and as always been there for me. I don’t want to lose him i feel sick to my stomach, i am trying my best to keep my head above water but it feels like my drowning. Please help
Hi Camile,
You can’t be close by being distant. Book a meeting with him to renegotiate this break and ask him what he needs to see changed in you and then you share for what you need. See if this can be saved.
Hugs, Christine
Hi Christine,
I need advice… it’s been 2 days that my boyfriend has not contacted me.
It all started with something petty. We were talking on the phone as I was drive home from work. Then i couldnt hear him. So the call was ended. I called him back and he was super irritated and frustrated because i couldnt hear him, he said you know what I’ll talk to you later, i said ok but it was just a glitch… he did a big sigh… so I said ok fine call me whenever you want, right before he hangs up on me he says damn always drama with you.
*I hate when anyone hangs up on me*
I called him back and I said listen it wasnt my fault you couldnt hear me. I am not like the other women you have date you need to respect me, he replied something about it’s just about you and me why bring those into this, I said because you treat me like them… he proceeded to say you know what fuck off and hung up again.
I was upset the first day, but now I’m hurt… I dont know if he cares about me… and if this is the end.
Please advise me.
Azul
Hi Azul, Not sure if it’s the end, but he’s super frustrated. Watch your tone and words with him. Guys will perceive things like “I’m not like the other women you dated” and “you need to respect me” as DRAMA. You’re accusing him of having motives based on the past and mothering him by telling him what to do with you. There’s much better, palatable ways to convey both messages so you’re heard. I recommend my email coaching so we can get into it and break it down.
Hugs, Christine
Hi Christine.
I really need Advice , I haven’t heard from my Boyfriend for 1 month nw … and I don’t think me calling him is the Best thing.. and he does not
call Either. Pls Christine What do u think in this Situation…
The situation is that he found someone else. Move on.
Hugs, Christine
Hi Christine. I needed to read this. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 months and he is from China so we are very different but so good together. Everything was perfect until the last 2 weeks he’s been growing more and more distant and very stressed at work in the lab. He has started ignoring me and I have already lost my last relationship, most my friends and my home this year and I can’t bear any more pain. My messages were left on read and he has cancelled weekend plans and says he’s been sleeping all the time but still tired.
He has a history of depression but is on medication. He didn’t reply when I asked him about this, he didn’t call me back and eventually only got back to me when I said it was cruel to let me freak out and worry as he knows I have anxiety. He apologised a bunch of times and said he is physically OK but feels very bad about the tension he caused between us and “needs time to make it right”. He then went back to ignoring me and I haven’t heard anything in almost 2 days. I’m so upset and scared.
I don’t know what to do. He isn’t the cheating or mind game type, and honesty has been always our biggest thing.
Hi Georgia, Give him two weeks of space. After that, if he’s ignored you, take that as a break up and move on.
Dear Christine, I’m a widow and dating. Was married 32 yrs and now single for 6 yrs.He texts every other day, calls me 3-4 x a week. We see each other 2-3 week, mostly he has me come along when he does business stuff, always feeds me, we laugh a lot and yes, we have become intimate. When I asked him what we are, he replied he hates labels but has not dated anyone since we met 5 months ago. He told his Dad about me (his mom is dead), but I have not met anyone yet. I had cancer surgery and expected him to disappear but he has been consistent in my life. He keeps telling me about wanting to go bike riding in the near future, is encouraging me to get a bike to ride with him (his hobby). My question: is this guy serious about me, am I a game? He looks real happy when he sees me and we spend time together, he is affectionate in public, holds hands and kisses me, but inconsistent in calling me or replying to texts…sometimes totally ignores things he does not like answering…. I am clueless since I have not dated since 1980… Please help….
Hi Maria!
He sounds like a really good guy. Don’t initiate texts with him and then you won’t have to deal with him not answering. He may not be a phone person and he may get super busy at work.
Dear Christine,
A month ago, my boyfriend stopped calling and texting for up to a week. I called him and he blamed it on work.
Then on our two months anniversary(monthniversary) he didn’t show up (as promised) He sent me a message on telegram saying he’s sorry and it’s a week now he hasn’t called no texts either. I’m hurt and sick worried. I really love him, what should I do?
Hi Phebean,
He’s communicating through his actions that he isn’t that into you. Believe it. Start dating a guy who is into you. And, you can’t have a two MONTH anniversary. You’re dating.
Pls am in long distance relationship we have been having issue of not giving me attention before he left for Dubai he said he will be staying three years there before coming back. We have broken up several times because of this and he comes back after giving him enough space. he said he still loves and care about me but he will start giving me attention when I learn to do what he wants. Recently he started ignoring me as usual claiming to be busy every moment but always on WhatsApp. I texted him demanding to know he has been ignoring my calls and messages for 2 days now.
Dear, move on. Start dating a man who is in your town. Not the one in another country who ignores you and isn’t acting like he cares.
Hi Christine!
My boyfriend and I are very close and have been together for over 3 years and cohabitate. He is in the military and has been away for a past few weeks. We have done long distance many times before, and he is normally on the communication game always. Lately he only sends me a few texts if any a day and calls me super late and only talks to me for a few minutes. I know I could be over reacting but I know for a fact that he is available and has the time to talk to me more but he’s choosing not to. I confronted him about it and he got all defensive and rolled his eyes when I was asking him why he barely talks to me (which is not usual). It really hurts me that he is acting this way and acts like he doesn’t care. He is coming home in less than two weeks but I don’t know how to confront him about the issue when he does….Am I over reacting? Is this normal? Thanks for taking the time to read xoxo
Hi Mad, He may be going through something… so, be warm and open to him when he returns and then go from there. After a couple of days you should know based upon in-person observations.
Hi Christine,
My mother is in town and we had plans to go out after a lunch meeting we had somewhere else. He decided to ditch us and go to a pool party instead with his two daughters (adults pool party). He texted me at 9:00 PM asking me if I was done with the lunch meeting. I didn’t reply until a day later saying that I didn’t appreciate him not making an effort to see my family when all they’ve done is ask for him. We got into it back and forth through text but never admitted he was wrong. At the end no resolution we only said goodnight. Should I wait for him to call me? We are engaged for 8 months and together for 14 months and never been this upset at each other. What should I do?
Yes. Always wait for him to call.
Falling for FWB. Six months into it and head over heels, trying not to reveal it to him but a hard struggle happening within. No future in sight from what it seems so trying to stick to the rules but often failing by initiating chit-chat contact. He replies then withdraws in the middle of conversation. Is this hopeless?
Hi Amy, You’re an option to him. Go find yourself an option other than him.
Best, Christine
I am in a situation right now , the distance is killing me . He shut up and ignore the calls and SMSs . When the time is right for him he need more attention .He started ignoring me as usual claiming to be busy every day and to me its painful.
Hi Christine,
I have had an abusive relationship and I had to leave the marriage when it started to hurt my kids. There after, I have had a few relationships which didn’t work out. When I am in love, I am more vulnerable and tend to give more. I forget my ego and do whatever I can to make that relationship to work. But in the end it fails. I don’t know what to do. Can you please help.
Hi Rp, “What to do” is more of an answer than this post. But I can clarify for you … “giving more” and “working to make the relationship work” are both forms of the ego. That’s not egoless. The guy feels that pressure and bolts. You need to let the guy pick up the relationship ball too. Doing less will get you more.