Starting a long distance relationship? What are you thinking?
You’re not. That is the issue.
Whatever way you’re introduced, (dating site, social media, or third person), if the guy lives over 40 miles away, you’re playing your desperate card. You need to fold and walk away from the poker game because the stakes are too high.
Here’s the all too common scenario. You’re introduced to him. The guy is long-distance.
You talk to him. He’s charming. And, he’s interested in you. You lose your brain cells. You romanticize that he is pretty much all in. He talks about getting together. You lose more brain cells.
You take a minute to think about the future of this given he lives long distance. You decide with your half a brain left that love will make the two of you work.
You buy a ticket to travel to him. An airline ticket.
You travel across the world. You keep looking at his two pictures.
There will be four glorious days with this male who has stayed up late just to talk to you.
Upon arrival to the airport, there he is. Huh. Not like the pictures but close enough.
You hug each other. He squires you around town. It’s delightful.
You spend the night together. The sex is good enough. It will get better, you think.
The next morning, he seems a tad like a caged animal. He realizes that the two of you have signed up for four days together. The burden of 24/7 looms.
Freshly showered, you deliriously contemplate the glory of four days together.
With a bounce in your step you both shuffle off to breakfast.
Societal conditioning demands he is a constant host because you traveled so far.
Even Manhattanites can only do a half-day of sightseeing with their family visiting from Nebraska. That’s the upside of the Statue of Liberty . . . one can ship the family off in a cab and onto the ferry ride for an entire day.
You two do more touring of the town. Candlelit meals. Hand-holding. He’s not as conversational as he was on the phone. He paces. He looks like he wants to escape. But the evenings in bed are fantastic.
Kisses and hugs goodbye at the airport. You fly home.
Excitedly, you call him to tell him of your safe arrival. He doesn’t answer.
You wait. You try the next day. Silence.
Much later you get a text: sorry—busy—had fun—hope you’re well.
You explode. What??? Excuse me?
Trying not to panic, you reach out and ask him when he can come to visit you. After a few days, he mutters he might be in your neck of the woods in five months.
Darn, you think. Well, at least it’s only five months.
He embraces the slow fade. Your rendezvous was nothing more than vacation love.
You would’ve seen those signs if you’d had all your brain cells back. Instead you scramble to figure out what you can do to get him solidly back in Camp You.
That is why you must fold your hand early in the long distance poker game.
It’s not the same as a fully committed relationship where a partner must leave for two months or more.
Even a “small” forty-mile difference is huge when you want to be spontaneous, grab a bite to eat, or cuddle.
The desire for a long-distance relationship masks the subconscious need not to commit. The LDR is built for pretending a relationship while maintaining the sizeable distance needed for the intimacy avoidant.
Yes, relationships have a growing curve. Better to grow with a local guy. The long-distance guy won’t be able to treat you right. Maybe the home-grown variety will.
You’ll have to learn to treat yourself right first.
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