Things To Talk About With Your Boyfriend To Fix A Relationship. Your Relationship Problems & Relationship Questions.
There seem to be two big relationship advice mistakes: One is relying on yourself and time to solve perpetual relationship issues and two is going to friends for advice and using that to fix what ails you and your boyfriend.
Relationship advice needs to come from a professional relationship advice coach, not a friend, because, really, is what is coming out of their mouth relationship advice or is it unintentionally relationship sabotage?
If you watch a dating TV show such as Bachelor in Paradise, you quickly see that friend’s advice for a souring relationship is not only going to make matters worse, but you see that people are unwilling to speak the truth.
They cover over and dance around truth leaving the troubled girlfriend to interpret what they meant.
Friends will always have a biased STRONG opinion based upon their own dating history, and unless they themselves are a relationship advice coach, it’s most likely a form of control to protect you (“you should _____”), or pleading without all the facts (“please just dump him now”), or gossip (“I heard he’s a two timer or why else would he be on the phone with Alexis?”).
This ends up as relationship advice mistakes.
If you follow friends’ opinion, it will drive the man farther away and he’ll perceive you as playing games.
The subtleties of what men want and need escape you. You may be aware of how sensitive men are in life but because it doesn’t make sense that this big hunk of a man is more sensitive than you, you probably push it aside and in doing so, the relationship mistakes are born.
I invite you to watch my video on this topic by clicking here.
Now you see from the video!
The things to talk about with your boyfriend are the relationship problems you are experiencing in order to deepen your connection. Of course, if there is ever physical or verbal violence, those are not things to talk about with your boyfriend…those are things to leave your boyfriend over!
It’s true…appropriate non-blaming discussion with your boyfriend about relationship problems will bring him close!
It’s all about sharing your feelings with him. Then he knows where your heart is and doesn’t feel attacked by non-feeling sentences.
You can’t go wrong with saying “I feel angry” as a self-awareness that something that happened in the relationship triggered you yet not blaming him in the process.
I had a client with a boyfriend who promised to come over and mow her yard when she was under a great workload from her office.
Despite the promise, he didn’t show up on the Saturday as planned and instead went to a baseball game.
She felt so angry.
Now, that was her choice to feel angry. He didn’t force her to feel angry.
Another woman might have said, “Oh no problem. Have fun at the game. I’ll get to it Sunday and it might be a good release.”
So feeling angry is a triggered response from your past.
Maybe in your past when people don’t keep their word you feel disappointment. Another woman upon realizing a guy didn’t keep their word may note it and not ask him any favors in the future. Another woman might think it’s no big deal because she does the same thing when an opportunity arises she can’t turn down.
It’s just your response that is at play here.
But to stuff your feeling down and pretend it’s not there, makes you out of connection with yourself and the boyfriend feel out of connection in response to your being out of connection.
Running to friends to complain, “How undependable of him! I can’t count on him!” will only elicit more agreement from them and encouragement to distance from your boyfriend.
However when you’re capable of stating “When I heard about the game instead of mowing the lawn I discovered I felt so angry instead of just being okay with it. I have to check within and see what that’s about.”
Then he knows where you stand, and he doesn’t feel blamed. You just connected.
That’s the best!!
Have you ever taken a friend’s advice and it failed miserably?
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