Is This Your Dating Profile Online? Helpful Tips

Online Dating Profile – Tips For Online Dating Profiles

A lovely reader wrote me and said I could reprint her attempt at her online dating profile for Match.com. She was asking me if it was the right direction.

When I read it, it is virtually what every woman would put on their profile.

While the specifics would change from woman to woman, the intent behind the words is the same.

The intent generally, is to quickly complete your online dating profile with a “list” approach coupled with the things you won’t tolerate in a future date/guy.

Almost every woman’s dating profile boiled down has those two qualities. 

For a guy to read that he comes away thinking that you have been burned a lot in the past dating (thus you telling him what not to do with you) and the listing of things (qualities, events, likes, dislikes) comes off cold to a guy.

Here is what my reader sent me and I want you to read it as “yep, that could have been something I’d write”:

I am a romantic, I like dancing, music and art.  I am also curious, open minded and adventurous.  Being with a man who is warm hearted and worthy of my trust feels so good to me.  

He has a sense of humor, enjoys his life and wants to share it with a woman like me.

I like hiking, boating, sailing, dining out, getting together with my friends, running, exercising and reading sometimes.  

I appreciate a man who makes me laugh and is smart, tall, good-looking and athletic.

I have a successful career and hope you have one as well.  I like a man who likes being a healthy, and stays in shape. 

I feel good when he shows up consistently, treats me like a priority and protects me in every way. I appreciate his honesty, especially about having no issues with past relationships like ex-wives or ex-girlfriends.

Our ideal date would be meeting in a quiet place for coffee or wine, conversation with lots of smiling and the feeling that we are the only two people in the room.  We are totally present with each other and the chemistry flowing between us. Time flies so fast, the hour turns into two and we part reluctantly, while knowing we will see each other again soon.  

I invite you to watch my video on this topic by clicking here.

Did this sound familiar for an online dating profile such as Match.com? It is probably difficult to see any pitfalls.

Let’s dig deeper to get to the issues why this profile won’t work for a man.  Again, I thank my dear client for sharing.

I want you to go back to the reader’s profile and read it like a man.

Did you see how some parts are bossy?

Maybe not. That’s okay.

Men do not like to be controlled. Any suggesting, leading them, telling them, guiding them, bossing them or instructing them is an attempt to control the man.

There is language that suggests that he must be a certain way or “do not apply.”

While the text isn’t dry as many women craft for online dating bios, it just lists activities and desires. There’s no interesting narrative.

If you create a sentence of a story, it engages a man.

Example: Old way: “I like to go skiing.” Improved text: “I debate which is my favorite between feeling exhilarated with the wind rushing past me downhill skiing or feeling snugly sipping the perfect hot chocolate in a cozy lodge.”

I’ve put some of the offending-to-a-man phrases from the reader’s profile here. This may or may not have been the reader’s intent, but a guy will read it that way and so will you if you’re in masculine, busy energy:

…worthy of my trust (This sounds as if you’ve been burned by love in the past and have trust issues.)

…I have a successful career and hope you have one as well.  (Successful is subjective and a man earning $100,000 a year may assume you earn much more and is therefore scared away.)

…when he shows up consistently, treats me like a priority and protects me in every way (This sounds high-maintenance and hard to please. It also comes off as dictatorial.)

with past relationships like ex-wives or ex-girlfriends (A red-flag. It comes off that you would be controlling. Also if the man had terrible past relationships, you just reminded him!)

And now, he gets to the final paragraph, (if he didn’t click away already) and reads…

Our ideal date would be meeting in a quiet place for coffee or wine, conversation with lots of smiling and the feeling that we are the only two people in the room.  We are totally present with each other and the chemistry flowing between us. Time flies so fast, the hour turns into two and we part reluctantly, while knowing we will see each other again soon.  

I know that it’s not intended that way, but for a guy, he might feel pressure to woo your heart big time in one coffee meeting. He may feel a failure just thinking about it.

Here’s a better way: Meeting at Starbucks would feel easy and I’m sure you won’t laugh at me when I dunk my shortbread cookie in my hot coffee!

Now you’ve given a little story and a talking point for the guy to discuss.

You too may feel discomfort from putting too much personal information out there in cyber space. You may also want to set the record straight by mentioning what you won’t put up with from a guy.

The key is to be vulnerable and to share feelings. Create little stories that become talking points. Make it easy for a new guy to talk to you.

When you vulnerably express how it would feel to be with a man you love, it sorts out some of the people you don’t want to attract.

Start there and write. Then the magic happens.