Is he a good guy? Not if you have to ask.

Someone asked, “How do you tell if a guy is a good guy to start dating?”

I launched into relationship coach mode, and a volcano of information spewed.

Well, you want to see if he keeps his word and follows through.

How do you feel when you’re around him?

Do you feel good? Check how he is after four months.

Everybody shows their best self up until that time — then they crack, and their reality shows.

If you have sex, check if he ghosts.

Is the guy mean?

This stream continued for five minutes.

Then, I had a two-part epiphany.

1. A good guy is 100% good. He doesn’t take Thursdays and Fridays off.
2. Women who ask this question have given up their power to the guy in question, most likely a cad, and secretly have embarked on a trail of self-destruction with him.

Finding a good guy isn’t the search for the Holy Grail in Raiders of the Lost Arc. Or whatever movie the Holy Grail reference happened in. You don’t need to date hundreds of men to find the hiding lone great guy.

But if you have tossed your brain and replaced it with desperation, then you end up asking friends, “How do I know if he’s a good guy”?

It’s like you pick up a nickel, and consider it for extended periods of time, wondering if it’s a nickel. You ask close friends, “Do you think this could be a penny? Or a quarter? Does it seem that it’s a nickel?”

The jury is out.

You wait for time to talk.

Subconsciously you realize he’s not a good guy, but you want to set yourself up with your close friends. Later when they point out the guy is crap, you can play the innocent card, followed by the victim card.

If you were smart and savvy before him, don’t turn into a three-year-old playing princess.

This happens for two reasons:

1. Fatal fear of loneliness. You’d willingly be with a jerk than go back to solo.
2. Spending too many hours creating hormone-adrenaline. You’re jacked-up; your resultant brain mush wonders if the nickel might be a penny or a quarter.

It’s not that difficult to spot a great guy — if you keep your wits.

Slow down and breathe. Pull your big-girl pants up.

If you question, you’re headed to obsession.

…

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