I have purchased over thirty pillows in the past decade in my search for the perfect one.
Crazy, right?
Feather, down, wool, silk, those buckwheat pillows that leak and spill…
Comfort when I sleep is a high priority especially since one-third of life is spent sleeping.
Sort of like being in relationship with a guy. If you both work and sleep, you spend about one-third of your time with him. On a good day.
I’d enjoy a pillow for a few weeks and then it would start to bother my neck.
Just like dating. He starts out great and then the wheels come off the bus.
There were times I thought I’d never find the right pillow.
Or the right guy.
Well, I’m happy to report that after I spoke with the manager at a beautiful little boutique linens store in the mountains, she recommended the perfect pillow. I don’t know what’s in it, I just know that it’s the one.
If only.
Could it be so easy to go somewhere and someone points to John Doe in the corner and says, “He’s the one.”
Because if he was the one, would you know? What is there to know?
And maybe, this is the problem. Looking for The One without knowing what that is.
Who applies critical thinking to that? It’s usually lodged in the dark shadows somewhere between rational and fantastical in the brain hemispheres.
Maybe you want your man to make you feel comfortable. Period.
Like a pillow.
It’s quite messy when men have opinions, things they want to go do, lack of conversations, and time spent elsewhere.
What then? Return him?
Sometimes, yes.
How long do you hang in to know if it’s him or you? That’s a toughie.
When that happens it’s time to get the umbrella insurance policy out and say he’s obviously not The One and file a claim with the universe. Kidding.
Of course it’s easy to be swept up with lusting hormones in the beginning and think you may have a keeper. And those hormones never want to acknowledge that the keepers don’t show up like that.
The keepers you notice after a longer while. They’re the anomaly. They get your attention later. Oh. You’re still here.
You turn and square off to them as though they deserve full contemplation all of a sudden.
He’s been there. He’s kind. He’s stable. He’s in to you. He’s smart, funny, sexy. He adores you in a for-sure way. And he’s just coming into your cross-hairs after all these weeks.
He might be the one.
Call to Romance Action
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I was dating a guy and it took us 8 months to change our relationship status on fb and some mental and verbal and emotional abuse was presented to me by him so we broke up and we’ve been best friends and at times lovers and I don’t like to have sex before marriage because of my Christian views and wanting to obey Gods laws and he knows that, but will ask anyway which makes me wonder how much he actually cares about me and respects me and at first he said he did because sex didn’t make a relationship. After finding out a few very questionable past with a few things he did all very immoral and he knows that now and he did then as well and after abusing me verbally he’s now become my best friend, but he wants to be in a relationship and he’s 48 and we’d dated a year and a half almost and he didn’t want to put his relationship status on fb, but did. He never really mentioned me except early on in the relationship and his remarks and comments sounded totally different than what he’d tell me at home and he was actually staying with me at the time and still is, so I saw two very different people in him. I realize some men and women don’t talk on fb to what they say is the “love of their life” like they do in person, but this was very different and almost like I wasn’t a big part of his life at all. We got back together and we’re both very much in love, but he didn’t want to change his status back and I have a lot of friends who tell me he’s a flirt and tries to talk to other women on fb that he don’t really know. So I decided we’d better stay broke up because that didn’t make me feel the love he SAID he had for me including speaking about marriage many times. I’m trying to figure out now after he said, “you’re my entire life and you’re my world” he still doesn’t see why I’d want our relationship status to reflect the truth on fb. He had widower when I met him so naturally I thought he had been married only to find out his domestic partner or live in girlfriend had passed away. After our breakup he put single and then changed that to not reflect anything which he says he likes and now he has changed it back to single again and after hearing him say he’d rather have nothing than to chance it to in a relationship if we got back together again, I’ve realized he does like want others to know he’s single, but he says he’d rather them not know about him being in a relationship and we’ve now known each other and we’re in a relationship the largest part of that time so he says it’s no ones business and that fb isn’t reality. I don’t think he even believes in cyber cheating because it’s not reality according to him. Which is also a concern about his mental health. He said his last girlfriend didn’t care about any of that, but I’m not her and it makes me feel like he can’t possibly love me when he says one thing and practices another like chancing it back to reflect single while we see if we can work our relationship out. So he’s taking out of both sides of his mouth when he says that because if that were really true he wouldn’t want it to reflect that he’s single now either after changing it from single to nothing to single again. His girlfriend had to pay for her food when they went to a drive through and I also had to do that so I now know he’s never going to be a man that loves a woman enough to want to provide for her or at least her meals even in a relationship and that’s concerning and I’ve never even heard of such although now that I’ve known him I know he can’t be the only one, but he’s the first guy I’ve ever met that didn’t buy his girlfriends food or pay for her meal. He uses messenger to talk to other women including those he’s never met and he flirts. I’m at the point where I’d feel sorry for any woman who did date him and feel like he won’t find anyone long term because most women want to go to a nicer place than McDonald’s or Wendy’s for a meal and the boyfriend always pays and it’s just universally known and accepted and it’s because he loves her. But, I also know he had an affair on his last girlfriend and probably was trying to do me the same way by flirting with all the women he does. And he said he had high standards and he’s seen prostitutes in the past as well. So I’m very concerned about a man who does all of the above and there’s no love there and I’m sure he’s either scared of commitment or he knows he don’t want to get married because then it would really be cheating and it’s cheating anyway when we were in a relationship. He never does any romantic gestures and expects a lady to have sex with him and thinks he’s great at that and isn’t, but I’d never hurt anyone by telling them they could really improve because at his age you’d think he’d know, but he has a big ego that he keeps fed. I’m really confused about a man who’s almost 50 years old who has this mentality and also he’s been staying at my house for almost the entire time since I met him and he hadn’t offered to help pay any of the bills even though he knows the power bill went up over $100 monthly since he’s been here as well as some other bills and everything he uses here costs money and he makes more money than I do. I used to buy groceries and those became double so I stopped buying any unless he’s with me at the market to pay for at least some of it. Is he taking me for granted and all I do or is he using me or does he want me until he sees if he can find someone else because he said he wouldn’t date an overweight girl even if she wasn’t all that pretty and he tries to flirt with some pretty girls and some very average 50 year olds and that’s ridiculous considering what he looks like and the fact that he’s also overweight too and not average for his age at all. He’s very hot tempered and only a woman who he’d take care of would stay in that and he’s not going to even pay for her meals at the drive through once he knows her good and feels he’s got her and that’s another resins be lost me because I know I’m worth being treated better than how he’s treated me. What if I miss a wonderful man who I would be happy with while he’s staying with me instead of going to his own home not far from mine.
Hi Alexandria, This is the classic case of a good-hearted woman being taken advantage of by a brute of a man. Leave him. Never stay for abuse of any kind nor a freeloader.