He’s Moving Slow– Tips On Pleasing Your Man & How To Keep A Man Interested In You.
Somehow, trained into you, is this urgency that when you like a man, and hope he is headed towards boyfriend status, you become mildly obsessed with ways to please your man to seal the deal of a relationship.
The budding relationship starts out so well. You both click and you wake up and fall asleep over the moon about him.
After a short while, he starts to distance. Wanting him to come back, to keep things as they were, you create ways in your mind to run into him, stop over to see him, happen to be in the neighborhood to say hi, etc.
Part of you also wants to make it convenient for him to see you, so you go to him and skip over him setting up a date. You’re just trying to please him.
But trying to please your man to win him loses him.
Pleasing your man by showing up unannounced to save him a trip, in the hopes that he will be pleased forces connection and creates urgency in you.
And “pleasing your man” often takes on all the activities and patterns that a man does NOT find pleasing!
Ahh. That’s why I’m here. To help you navigate the murky waters of what works with a man so that you can have a big love relationship and avoid forced connection actions.
How you please your man is often quickly (and urgently) confused in your mind with doing things that will PLEASE YOU passed off as though they are pleasing to him! Case in point, stopping by unannounced.
Or texting him often, or at all, to “keep him interested” so that you can benefit from connection when you want it.
Or calling him to say hi because you feel like it’s taking too long for him to reconnect with you.
But stopping by his house, apartment, or job—unannounced—to surprise him…passing it off as though he will be delighted, let’s check that out.
There he is, he’s eating some pizza and watching a sports show chilling on the sofa. In his mind, it’s guy-time. You peer through the window and see it as a perfect opportunity to snuggle next to him.
You knock. He blanches.
He has the face of half smile and half horror.
You don’t notice because you’re on a mission to get a fix of him.
He immediately thinks, even if he is into you, “What is she doing here?”
A part of you is masking feeling scared that he’s not totally into you…all of those fears pop up in your monkey brain and that monkey brain urgently decides that “going masculine” and pursuing him is the best option to squelch the intense feeling of turmoil from those fears.
Let’s take a look at today’s video here:
Stopping by a guy’s place unannounced and unasked, leaves you both feeling awkward after his first polite, “Oh, wow, it’s you!”
Did stopping by his place suddenly make him more interested in you?
No, you now have feeling awkward on top of feeling insecure and urgent.
How to please a man comes down to understanding a man’s true needs. Then you can truly please him.
Please him through feeling happy about yourself and your life. Please him by dealing with your fears around him so they aren’t lurking albeit stuffed in an internal closet.
Please him by taking care of yourself first. Please him by living a joy filled life. Please him by letting him be the Boyfriend instead of you doing his job.
Your man loves confidence.
That’s what you had at the beginning before you decided you HAD to have him aka liked him.
Replacing that need to go grab him, get his attention NOW is calming down that masculine monkey brain of yours.
Yes, that masculine energy (going after him), will set your love relationships up for failure every time.
Leave your masculine actions for your work career.
Pleasing your man means creating the space to ALLOW him to come towards you and pursue you.
You may think you can pursue him, but you can’t with an alpha man and expect him to love you.
He’ll tolerate it for a minute and then distance himself where he can go be an alpha male.
You’re trained to conquer at school and work—and it works.
But even at work, you have to back off pursuing a client too hard…you know they’ll feel stalked and bolt.
Yet in relationships, you may put blinders on, because fear is running you and doesn’t care about what he wants. It becomes about your fear needs.
That’s not pleasing a man. Or inspiring him to his Boyfriend Brain.
How ironic then, that what a man finds pleasing is for you to please yourself before him.
Do you have a story of when you did put yourself first, he came closer and liked you more?
Please share and comment below…
I was blocked on FB and I tried too talk to him on my 2 FB but I was told too wait for him to contact me. I have been living my life but he appears in my thoughts and they can’t go away from the good and bad from him. I wanted too see him but that doesn’t sound so good. What should I do?
Christine Rich Hanson says
Hi Courtney, If he’s blocked you, it’s over. Move on and be happy that it’s done so you can find a new guy.