Facebook And Relationships…What A Girlfriend Needs For Successful Relationships
Thinking about a boyfriend’s Facebook relationship status can be a hot button for you as a girlfriend. Your dating “needs” for your boyfriend to do something with his Facebook relationship status may increase depending on how far along you are with him.
You may want him to take a step–a public step– such as a Facebook announcement as a precursor to an engagement. You may see so many of your friends with these tags of “with” and status proclamations that you start to feel left out or that there’s something wrong with you and your guy.
In the scheme of human life, it’s understandable.
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My take? I don’t want that little bit of digital information about the relationship status on Facebook to drive you into feeling less than or not good enough or blow the budding relationship!
Let’s say that you want the guy you’re dating to change his Facebook relationship status to “In A Relationship” or “With…” early in the dating process– as in less than three months in because you already feel like a couple.
I’ve seen women feel very upset if it doesn’t change because they feel “it’s time.”
Of course, to most guys, three months, even nine months, is just too soon for them to know what they want to do with you long term. They may know how much they love you early, but they may not be ready to announce it to their Facebook friends and cyberspace.
Changing that status on Facebook is going to cause quick attention from his friends and family, which comes with a lot of probing, awkward questions. And you know that guys dislike confrontation so many a fellow feels like, “hey, why should I invite confrontational inquiries?” They need to be brimming with confidence to handle it.
Now that doesn’t mean that he’s not confident about the two of you. It’s sort of like a person being knowledgeable about topics around their career but not feeling confident to stand on a public stage and give a speech about those topics.
Your guy may be a more private person. Or he may not even relate to a Facebook status change as something he needs to do.
It’s best for a healthy relationship in the long run to lay the foundation for a good relationship by not pressuring him. Guys love women more quickly when there’s no pressure.
Releasing any expectation that he announces to the Internet world that you and he are together is a great start. I know that it may be tough for you, but if you work with releasing the expectation, it will help your relationship.
And my biggest dating advice is to have you realize that releasing your expectation that he has to do something leads to him feeling accepted by you–and that’s big.
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Expectations are one-sided. They don’t serve your relationship well especially when the expectations are self-serving. Making you happy at the expense of your love guy’s happiness, won’t bring more love to your budding relationship.
My dating advice is always: what is the QUALITY of your boyfriend? Does he adore you or is he difficult to find? Do you feel amazing around him or do you feel anxious?
Is your boyfriend engaging, smart and there for you? If that sort of guy isn’t changing his status on Facebook, no worries!
Please watch my video on this topic here.
If you feel desperate to Just. Get. Him. To. Say. You. Are. A. Couple to everyone (especially his family and friends) remember that boyfriends don’t care about that stuff as much as you. See this article I did on that subject here.
Now if you are feeling sad that he hasn’t changed his relationship status over there on Facebook, and you find yourself, checking it daily (or hourly!) – I want you to stop. You are creating a habit that can only cause or magnetize more negativity.
However, I know from coaching women, that you may have such a burning desire to get him to change the status that you are tempted to work up the courage and blurt it out.
Check out this bonus material before you do:
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How about you? Have you ever begged your guy to change his Facebook status and it ended in an argument? Comment below please.
Please share and comment below…
Very true…my ex told his friends that he was just seeing me..and he never wanted to upload our couple pics..I was so faithful to him and loved him dearly but he did not.
Hi Angel,
Ahh, we’ve all been there. It just means the Universe has someone better for you. Good for moving on emotionally.
Take care and thanks for taking the time to share,
Christine
I have been with my financee for 13 years and engaged with a ring for 5, living with 12 of those 13. What do you think of a man who does not want to acknowledge our status on Facebook?
Hi Chris, My answer is ‘not much’ unless he’s social media avoidant. Ask him.
My boyfriend and I have known each other for about 8 months now been dating for 4 of those months. He recently reactivated his account and updated it as well, I noticed his relationship status said single. I asked him about it then he said he just got on added new photos that’s all. We have met each other’s kids, I’ve met his family and friends as well. We are currently in a long distance relationship because I had to go back to England. It upsets me seeing that he has single on his profile because I feel he’s trying to keep me a secret. He claims he has talked about me at work and to his friends but I know a lot of women are attracted to him so I’m not sure if he’s really telling people he’s in a relationship. I don’t care that he tags me in the relationship status change, just want him to change it to
in a relationship.
Key,
Have you talked to him about at what stage in your relationship a facebook status change is acceptable? It might be good to know his opinion on the topic. Asking him a question is a good way to open up a topic. This is not you targeting him for a certain kind of answer but more to understand what point in the relationship he thinks you’re at.
Also as a side note, I’d keep my status as ‘single’ until he’s ready to make that shift too.
Awesome advice
Thanks Angel for stopping and reading!
Have an inspired day,
Christine
My boyfriend if 2.5 YEARS refused to change his Facebook status tonight. He said he loves me but won’t validate our relationship on Facebook until I meet his coworkers who are on his Facebook. I’ve been to his job many times but he never invited inside to meet anyone. It made me so upset that I actually cried. And he, instead of seeing how upset it made me and understanding my frustratation at his lame excuse, decided to tell me it was over. All because he “won’t base his love for me on a social media status”
Talk about a manipulation roller coaster.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 4months now. The other day we were texting and I asked him why his Facebook status still says he’s single and he replied saying he hadn’t noticed and that someone had activated his account years ago. He would look into it. We had another argument and did not make up right away. The next day I was checking on his Facebook status and realized he had unfriended me. When I confronted him about it he said I had pissed off and he said he felt like deleting his profile of which I told him not to. I guess I went about it the wrong way and now although we still seeing each other we still not friends on Facebook since then.
Thanks Cally for sharing. It helps other women!
Best,
Christine
I wld break up with him. I wish my significant other wld delete me. You delete me on fb I’m deleting you I’m real life.
Wow! If you two aren’t friends on fb then I would not bother being friends or otherwise in real life. He is just using you. Break it off and block him.
I’m a guy and if I’m dating someone that I really like and want to be with then I would want the world to know… However if I’m with someone and want to keep getting laid till I find the person I really want to be with, I’ll tell the girl we are dating but I won’t change my status to a relationship. Changing your status is a pretty normal thing. It’s extremely disrespectful to tell someone you’re exclusive while simultaneously telling the world your single.
Your comment helps a lot, thank you!
I totally agree with you. If I really want to be with someone I don’t mind the world knowing it.
That is a very good way to put that. For me changing facebook status to ‘in a relationship’ is not a big deal at all. Personally I think a lack of willingness to change their status while telling you that you’re their girlfriend (or boyfriend) is deceptive.
That is how I feel about it….status still single ,still looking
My “fiance” changed his status from Engaged to In a Relationship. He told me he did it when he was mad at me over something but still hasn’t changed it back. I refuse to wear my “engagement ring” until he claims this relationship. I’m no fool!!
My boyfriend of 3 years had no problem putting his status to in a relationship but when we got engaged this past January he refuses to change his status to engaged. We get married in 2 weeks and I just feel so lost. We have constantly been fighting because of it. I’m the type of girl that wants to share my happiness with the world. How am I supposed to take his last name if he won’t even change his status?
Heather, A wedding trumps Facebook. Ask anyone. But if you keep fighting him about it, there won’t be a wedding.
My boyfriend of 2 years and father of my child refused to change his relationship status to “in a relationship” I was willing to compromise until I found out he had been talking to woman before our daughter was born(during the pregnancy) I told him to change it or the relationship was over. We are no longer together.
I am in the exact situation, ive been dating him for four months and he has on his profile single. I asked him about it but he says he is never on facebook. (lie). For some reason i think two things come to mind. He doesnt want his exs to see it which he is still facebook friends with or he is keeping his 1700 friends on facebook knowing he is SINGLE. This really frustrates me because i dont know where our relationship stands.
I’ve been with a guy for 1 1/2 years. I get guys asking if I’m singe on fb because I don’t have a status….I asked my boyfriend if I could say I was dating him…he freaked out and said no not evertone needs to know his business. I’m wondering if it’s just him or is he “keeping his options open”?
He’s keeping his options open.
Been engaged with my fiancé for 2 years. He finally took “single” off so it shows. I relationship status. I would be fine with that but he throws a tantrum calling it “Kimberly’s Facebook”. Yet he posts picks of his muscles and work out status in fb and friended 500+ people the last week alone. Girls “heart his pics and “like them one after another but he won’t show he’s engaged. Two years! Keeping options open? We live together. We have no sex life yet all he does is work, work out, and sleep. Oh.. and troll Facebook for more friends. ?
Hi Kimmi,
Yikes! There are some power struggles going on here. Not having sex and being engaged is a big red flag. So beyond his FB antics, why would you want to marry a guy where there’s no sex? I want you to back way, way up and consider that one.
Many hugs,
Christine
I am in a relationship for one year , we decided to get married soon ,he is very private person and the way he raised up doesn’t show his emotions towards me verbally ! He mostly shows his feeling for me in action rather than using words ! I tried to understand and somehow ignore my desire to hear those “ magic “ words from him . How ever at least i want him to write a post in Facebook about having some one in his love life , not even mentioning who , neither changing his status!!
Is it too much to ask ? Or am i that much desperate asking him saying something to reflect me ?
Hi Susan,
Maybe you could share with him in a non-dramatic way that you would like to hear from him some “I love yous” and the same for social media and see where it goes and what his thoughts are.
Best,
Christine
My situation is long term. I have been in several different relationships with the same man for over 11 years. The first 3yrs was causual because we were dating other people. I have a 14 year old son and he had no kids. During the 4th year we broke up six months and he had a child with another woman. He couldn’t stay away from me during her pregnancy and afterwards. He was with me when she gave birth. He was 41 with no children I was 44. So I forgave him for it and love his son. Over the last 7 years it’s been baby mama drama. Him lying and going in between us. So I broke up officially with him in Oct 2016 and he got engaged to his baby mama dec 2016 and lied about it. The baby mama started harassing me until I got a warrant on her. I made him leave in March 2017 a year later he moves out from her. He said he was done and wants me to be together with him officially. As of now it’s been 7 months and his status still says he engaged. I am demanding he change it because I refuse to be with a man involved with another woman. I feel now that he is exclusive with me only. He needs to tell people he isn’t engaged and in the relationship with me. I told him it’s total disrespect to still have an engaged status. I feel like he is not me acknowledging me and still posting recent pictures of him doing things with her and their son he is 5 yrs old. He can never stay with his baby mamma any length of time he gets so upset and doesn’t want to stay away from me. I feel it’s beyond and past the time. He needs to let her and everybody know that I am his choice. Certain people know but it’s not on Facebook where it belongs.
My boyfriend has always posted his exes on his Facebook as “In a relationship” but refuses to put it with me. I just feel like he’s hiding me and he tells me his family isnt important enough to tell
Hi Devin,
Yep, that sounds like a red flag here with him.
I have a question.So i am 44 yrs old. my boyfriend is 45 yrs. we have been dating off and on for over 8 years now!! Still has not proposed to me yet. But says he loves me dearly. We are friends on FB, but he has not changed his status or lets me post anything on this page about us. I tried it once and he quickly took it down. He said he is a private person and that he does not want his business on the net. But he does love me. So i told him i am done with him and I am moving on. Am i wrong? I mean its been 8 yrs!! Please be honest with me. Am i over reacting? Thanks
Hi Tanya,
You’re not overreacting. He’s not wanting to commit and probably has nothing to do with you. Move on.
Best,
Christine
My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for 7 years. He used to have no problem announcing to everyone that we are together and changing his status to in a relationship. We split up for a short time about a year ago and got back together about 6 months ago. Things seem better than they have ever been except now his status is still showing single and I have expressed how this hurts me but yet it still says single. I don’t want to feel like I am pressuring him. He doesn’t post any pics of us together anymore and when I do he does not like or comment on them. Any advice as to what may be going on or how I should approach this?? Thanks in advance.
Hi Lynnette, Since you’ve expressed your concerns once, that’s all you can do because frequency of the same request does equal pressure.
I have been dating my boyfriend for six months met people from his work he’s met my family and we met each other’s kids. I even met his ex. His parents know about me they are out of the court so haven’t met yet. However fb still says he’s single and when he posts a photo of himself and I comment he just likes it he doesn’t say anything. I spend every other weekend at his place since we started dating is this normal or should I say something to him.
Hi Natasha, It sounds like he’s introducing you to everyone, so I’d go ahead and ask him in a curious fashion about FB.
Hi Christine, love you answers btw. My partner’s ex split up with him and moved out apparently there was a personality clash with one of his kids. They were together 6 years. Two months later we started a relationship and moved in together. We have been living together for 1 year. He still has his ex listed as his partner on FB. We were at the shops and his ex was there. She didn’t see him but he went to a different checkout to me. His ex turned up at our local on a Friday night but we had already left. I asked him last night if they are still in contact and he told me he bumped into her at the shops and they had coffee together. He told me after she split up with him ‘she refused to speak to me for a year’. Thoughts?
Hi Lara, it all depends on how he’s treating you in general. Does he act like you’re his One? Or like a rebound?
My new boyfriend still has his status set to single. I pointed this out to him and he said he forgot about that. But he still hasn’t changed it. I’ve met most of his friends and his mother knows we’re together. If he doesn’t change it how long should I wait to bring it up again?
Hi Hannah, You say “new” boyfriend… if you’ve been dating only a few months, I wouldn’t bring it up at all. The key is to see how he treats you. That’s more important than any social media as the first step.
I have been in a relationship with my man for months. I am pregnant with his child. We also live together. He still refuses to say in a relationship on Facebook . He is constantly on Facebook and has many girls who are friends with him on there. In the beginning he said he would do it after I met his son , but his son now knows all about me and so that’s no longer an issue. Now he’s saying he will when we start acting like a couple? What the heck I’m planning a life with this man he even wants me to up and move with him . But can’t out us on Facebook ? He got mad at me to the point he stomped off this mornin all because I asked him about the relationship status! What do I do?
Hi Jessica,
What do you do? You believe him. He said he doesn’t see you two as a couple yet despite the pregnancy, the request for you to move in, etc. If he doesn’t see himself in a relationship with you, he’s not going to acknowledge that on FB. Sorry. Best, Christine
I’ve been dating this guy for almost 11 months now. We are in a long distance relationship and we have not met before but we are planning on meeting soon for Thanksgiving and he told his family about me and put my name on his Instagram bio without much of a fuss but when I spoke about changing his Facebook status he said “I can’t be bothered” because he barely uses Facebook but when he saw how sad I got, he changed it to “in a relationship” right away but he was pretty irritated after that. What does that mean? Was I being pushy?
Hi Jessica, Talking via chats is not a relationship. This has been going on for almost a year AND YOU’VE NEVER MET THE GUY! I put this in CAPS because I want you to understand that a status on social media is nothing–you’ve never met the dude and are calling it a relationship. Date local guys, please.
I’ve been seriously chatting with this guy for almost a year now. We are in a long distance relationship (as in halfway round the world), we met last March 2019, he stayed here for almost 2 weeks then went home to the US, and we still keep in touch everyday. This coming December 2019, it’s my turn to visit him. My question is, can I request him to change his FB status from single to “in a relationship” since he said he wants to marry me someday once my annulment is done. I did ask that from him before but he replied that his afraid people might ask who’s the lucky woman what will he say? He also said, he’s afraid it might jeopardized my annulment since I’m not yet a free woman. I told him he doesn’t need to post any pictures of us, he can keep mmmm about it right? What do you think? Thank you 🙂
Hi, Your question to me is “can you request him to change his FB status?” You did that. He said no.
My bf and I have been together 6 months. He won’t tell his babys mom about me. They have been separated for 14 months, were together 2 year, and she has been in a new relationship for over year. She told him right away about her relationship. They share a sweet 2 year old boy. A month ago he posted 5 or 6 pics of him and his BM and their son from when they were still together. I feel sad that he won’t post a pic of me or change his relationship status. I know all his friends and family. I have a friendship with his son. I’m just confused. I feel like I can never compare to her since she had his child. I love him. He tells me he loves me. He treats me great. I just feel left out.
You may feel left out because he is leaving you out due to his secret love for her.
My boyfriend is the one who wanted exclusivity. I thought it was too soon, but eventually agreed after a few more weeks and some conversations about the future. I hid my status, and that’s all I asked him to do. I said it doesn’t have to say you are in a relationship, it just can’t say “single” because thats not true and he’s the one who insisted we be exclusive. We just had that conversation last night. I’m going to see how long it takes him to change it or hide it. Honestly, I want him to hide it. I don’t want to have people involved when its only been a few months.
I have been dating a guy for 2 years. I changed my status to in a relationship with him and he got MAD. Says he is a private person and don’t like everyone knowing his business. Well all his information is already on there and relationship says divorced. He had no problem telling the world he was divorced. He will not let me put pictures of us together. I am with him every weekend: something is not right.
My 25 yr old daughter is living with her 28yr old bf. They moved in together after 3mo. She changed her status then. He didn’t. I thought it was strange. But he is a guy and it was a new relationship. I asked her then and she said she didnt know why he didnt. They just didnt talk about it. Now another 3 months later he WILL not change it. He says in the past when he changes it everyone asks a hundred questions and he doesn’t want to deal with it all. She is fine with it she says and gets mad at me when i bring it up. I told her he should be wanting everyone to know and i thought it was a red flag. I think he should take his status off instead of showing him as single. And that i cannot respect him until he respects my daughter and lets the world know he isnt single. She told him and he blocked me on facebook and asked my husband to defriend him. I am seeing more red than just flags! Am I a crazy old mom or a mother of a daughter dating a POS?
Hi Diane, Him changing a status on social media is not indicative of how he treats her. Time for mom to back up and let her adult daughter live her life. Let them work it out and be there IF she needs you. Otherwise you’re alienating her and him. Go non-judgmental because you don’t live with him. Don’t allow your past to color another woman’s life. Many hugs.
I’ve been dating my boy-friend for 4 1/2 years. He’s never requested to be friends on Facebook. I never asked him because I was afraid of his answer. He refers to me, sometimes, as his wife, but we aren’t engaged. We are planning to go to Hawaii in a year and he implied that we would still be boyfriend and girlfriend. He said he was going to propose in 2018, but didn’t feel it was the right time. My daughter was going through something traumatic so I told him I understood. All is good now, but 2 years later and no proposal. I feel like he doesn’t want to move forward. The social media upsets me too because people think he’s single. How can he call me “wifey” but still portray in one aspect of his life as single?
Hi Natalie, Your bf is consistent. He’s clear he’s not advancing to a marriage. You can either accept it, remove yourself from the relationship or set a deadline that you want a proposal by or you’ll leave (and then you do leave because you mean it.) “wifey” is just a term of endearment and he’s not looking to propose.
Hugs, Christine
I am or was dating someone for 9 months to the day. He was the first one to change his status from “single” to “relationship, within months of dating. I literally never paid attention to this in my past. Yet, when he did that I did the same and changed my status to “in a relationship”…I am a pretty private person hence why I guess I didn’t pay much attention prior to this relationship. Literally within 2 days of our fight he changed his status to “single”. At first I was bothered but kinda chalked it up to- anger and a reactive response expecting him to change it back. Fast forward almost 3 weeks later- there has been no resolution and I am now considering I should just end the relationship. Lots of back and forth via email/text but no real conversation. I am the love of his life etc.. etc.. and since I dumped him he changed his profile…blah blah..which isn’t true. He is 51 and I am in my 40’s so to me this is all immature behavior. We have had a really great relationship for the most part up until now. I know he will attempt to make amends but its been a long time coming….I feel like this could be a major red flag? Thoughts?
Hi Katie,
His behavior is a red flag if you strongly dislike it and it becomes a pattern.
I’ve been dating my bf for 6yrs. We actually met through FB his original FB acct he posted we were in a relationship but in Feb he deleted it and made a new one and this one he hasn’t done anything with his relationship status or tagged me in anything or even commenting on anything I post it’s like he doesn’t want anyone to know were together. When I confronted him he just says why does it matter its nobody business but before with the old acct he seemed to be proud to have me and now most of his friends were surprised when they found out we’re still together they thought we broke up and I’m hurt by it. I asked him to marry me in may he said yes and again he didn’t mention nothing on FB.
Hi Rachel,
He’s sending mixed signals. He sounds like he’s not upfront with his interests of you and he’s playing games.
I’ve been dating my boyfriend now for over 5 months. He has met my children and I’ve met his family. He is currently living with me. He is very active on FB, Instagram, and snapchat. He has never once tagged me in anything on facebook or even mentioned my name when he posts pictures of outdoor activities we do together. His relationship status is still single. I’m not really sure what to make of it. We don’t really take pictures together either. He has never once posted a picture of us together on his facebook. Come to think of it he has never initiated taking a picture with me while we are out doing things together. Is this normal? I’m newly out of a 17 year relationship so I am very out of practice with whats normal and not normal. Am I overreacting or is he hiding the fact that he is in a relationship on FB? Thanks for your help.
Hi Colleen,
A lot of guys could care less about posting pics on FB. Take a pic yourself, post it on his page and see what becomes of it. Is he living with you out of monetary savings or love?
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for over a year and a half, he’s active on messenger all the time & it’s not with me. I asked him 3 months ago to change it he said he didn’t know how to well I asked him the other day and he doesn’t want to do it says theirs a bunch of strangers on his Facebook don’t have to put up who your with just that your in a relationship theirs no sign of any relationship on his Facebook to Facebook he’s single and I have up on mine I’m in a relationship plus pictures of us all over my Facebook idk what his issue is. I’m honestly breaking up with him bcus of it