Why Isn’t He Introducing Me To Anyone Like His Family & Friends?
You like your guy a lot, and then you start to notice a relationship milestone that pops up in your mind like many women encounter when dating men: Why isn’t he introducing me to those close to him?
Before you panic and start asking your boyfriend why he hasn’t introduced you to anyone, you need some relationship advice before a bigger problem develops.
Somewhere in the history of dating men, a woman decided, certainly without any dating tips, that if her man she’s dating isn’t introducing her to his friends, family, and parents, it meant the worst. It meant that he’s not that into her, he’s not going to commit, he’s using her, he’s up to no good, and she’s wasting her time with him.
The cad.
But it could also mean, in the relationship milestone hurdles, that the lack of introduction to his inner circle is NOT a predictor of a break-up to come. It could simply mean that he is a guy.
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In the vast land of Signs He Wants A Relationship, is being introduced to his closest entourage an absolute predictor to your future as a couple?
If you scour the Internet there are lots of advocates of just that.
This article says to break up with him immediately if you’ve confronted him about this topic and he doesn’t take action soon.
I’m sure the author had good protective dating advice intentions for women.
For me, it’s about trusting yourself first and knowing that if your intuition is going off like a five alarm bell, you’ll exit to safety. Or get a relationship coach to hold your hand and drag you out of the fire.
But in the regular fare of life, yes, it’s typical (through societal conditioning) to be cool one day with your boyfriend hunk and then suddenly feel panic that he’s not introducing you or inviting you to family or friends.
One minute you were fine and the next minute you weren’t.
I propose that sudden flip-flopping derives from a victim-expectation that you’ve given meaning to which becomes a requirement from you for him to satisfy.
Sort of like at some point there was no Valentine’s Day, and now there is the business-creation Hallmark Cards/Florist/Chocolates Valentine’s Day to prod women to expect love celebration on February 14.
Your victim-expectation goes: if the bf isn’t bringing the Valentine’s stuff, then-surely-he-doesn’t-love-you. A great boyfriend won’t bite because to do so he agrees that you are going to be a victim if he doesn’t serve up.
If you are okay with the relationship and then out of the blue, and tied to a societal belief that “he should be doing ____,” that sort of pressure on a guy to accommodate your dating milestones isn’t going to feel fair to him.
Please watch my video on this topic here.
I know the urgency of looking for those social-proof signs he’s in a relationship with you to the detriment of all the great things he is doing right.
You may yearn for external signs of validation that the relationship is going somewhere besides Breakupville or Nowheresville as though having those signs were signals from the Universe that this relationship was destined for eternity.
I remember a guy I was dating, and I twisted things so that I could meet his children and afterward…nada. It didn’t change a thing between him and me, and it didn’t end up meaning what I thought my mind had conjured it up to be! We did not progress as a couple.
Let’s go back to that fictitious woman in dating history.
It’s 264 BC of men dating and our protagonist has given great weight to whether her Roman gladiator Brutus is sincere to her as a meaningful wife mate in the first relationship milestone ever.
Amazonia: “Brutus, it cometh to my attention you have deprived me of meeting your gladiator friends. I take this as a sign that you doth have no love for me. Please explaineth yourself.”
Brutus: “Huh? I mean…what sayeth you?”
Amazonia: “You go off with your friends and they don’t knoweth of me, thereforest does this mean I am not of serious consequence in your life to be known to others?”
Brutus: “Amazonia, we are off doing great battles. Most of my gladiator friends die with swords in their lower netherlands. Why bother introducing you to them? What bearing dost that have upon our great love?”
Amazonia: “Well what about your parents? I should meet them so that I can see myself as proper in your eyes. There must be signs you want a relationship.”
Brutus: “My parents are 18 days of riding in a chariot away, and, since the empire is under attack, I must do battle to save me and you which seemeth more important than an excursion to meeteth my parents.”
Amazonia: “But without it you may just be using me like a chamber maid, WHICH I AM NOT!”
Brutus: “You doth protest too much. I must don my armor and leave for work. My chariot awaits for battle.”
There you have it. While your sudden and urgent belief compels you to seek an introduction to all of your guy’s closest folks, it’s easy to dismiss that there is someone else in the mix—him–and his desires!
And he has his opinions and views.
They may differ from yours and are no less valid.
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No one holds the omnipresent view point of what action now ensures a “perfect” future later.
He may not want to put pressure on the relationship, he may dread the drama of his parents, he may fear that one introduction will result in pressure to make babies, he may not even have value for such introductions as he’s anti-Hallmark corporation of drummed up meaning for particular events, he may– 100 other things– none of which means he doesn’t take you seriously.
What you want is your relationship etched in his heart. There is where it matters most.
Now let’s reverse it, and we may find that if your desire for your external acknowledgment were to happen, it would not at all move you up the relationship milestone ladder as you thought. It’s just an event that comes and goes.
Let’s say it’s 4 – 10 months in and you have that snap, that moment that “he should be introducing me because I’m not his chamber maid, I mean hook-up.”
And lo and behold, he invites you to his brother’s wedding.
You feel in. Insider in.
This invite to go as your man’s date has to mean something right?
The wedding ceremony, holding his hand, breathing in that he is sending you a signal of future marriage to you. Ahhh.
Him introducing you to EVERYONE ALL AT ONCE on such a BIG day when you are rocking the LBD. There are his parents, his sister, his brother and new wife, all of his relatives, his college friends, his 3rd grade teacher, his orthodontist from high school, even his ex-post college girlfriend who you vaguely thought was only a friend and now you’re finding out they actually dated for a year but oh well you’re with him now, sister!!
You are looking at the wedding reception napkins and trying to decide if your couple initials will be in gold or silver on your wedding day.
Slow forward to two weeks later.
Something has gone wrong. You didn’t see it coming.
As you look at his face and see his lips moving you hear a broken conversation with word shrapnel landing on your ears as your heart feels a death grip only love can bring…
“…thinking…been unsure…not hurt you…understand…your friendship…timing…”
Yeah, whatever. He just broke up with you.
That is why these relationship milestones mean nothing on a significant spiritual level.
And they don’t mean anything without considering the man.
You may be his walk-off-into-the-sunset-girl.
Don’t make events more important than the quality of his love and how you feel around him.
It’s far better not to get caught up in our expectational minds with a flip-flop moment that’s bringing fear and urgency. And those moments could be expecting Valentine’s gifts, or it means he doesn’t love you. Or if he doesn’t introduce you to his parents it means you’re not significant to him. Or if he doesn’t let you meet his friend that means he’s having an affair. Or if he doesn’t stop what he’s doing to meet you to do something, you dramatically assure yourself and him he has ruined your day.
In those random flip-flop moments where you’re creating an expectation that has “victim” written all over it, here’s what to do:
- Realize it’s all a self-created illusion.
- Realize this is just a conditioned moment and dig in to pull out of it. Creating a story of expectation won’t serve you.
- You may have, spiritually, created the expectation of healing some deep pain so that you can have more love capacity for yourself.
- Feel your judgment and angst over what he’s not doing according to your cute mind and pivot to a better direction.
- Do the thing that you always have in your life that brings you joy such as your pet project, your hobby, your thing that satisfies you.
You are okay. You realize that an external socialized marker such as introductions to your bf’s inner circle may not be what society has it cracked up to be. Instead, it’s all about what’s in his heart and your connection to that love.
And, of course, your love for you.
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I’d love to hear from you below. Have you ever longed for your boyfriend to acknowledge you to others to then have it not feel as you had imagined?
Please share and comment below…
Hi Christine,
I’m curious to hear your thoughts about this. I started dating this guy right after he broke up with his past bf. We’ve been dating for 4ish months now. It started as a casual thing but we became too intimate so I brought up being exclusive. He said he wasn’t ready for that but that he wanted to continue dating. Initially I agreed but noticed that communication slowed down dramatically, we went from seeing each other ~4 days a week to maybe one, and around his friends he’d always keep me at arms length… so I ended things and explained the reasons why. I made it clear that non exclusivity and lack of communication were not for me.
We’re back after having a conversation about what each other needs from the relationship and we’re now exclusive. Here’s what throws me off and sends my creative mind spinning into that victim expectation zone that you talk about: around my friends we are like a married couple, around some of his friends we’re very affectionate as well… but around very specific people (always men) he won’t even hold hands. I believe some of these men are friends with his ex – unfortunately our social circles somewhat overlap. Together with that, he’s careful not to post pictures of us where the ex can see them and says that the ex is not yet ready to see that. This sets off my alarms because it makes me think the ex is just an excuse and he’s probably hiding me from other people he might be seeing and doesn’t want them to see us together. It makes me think that we’re not so exclusive after all. At the same time, I’ve proven myself wrong a couple times before at times when I was jealous or suspicious, so I’m having a hard time making a decision. Do I bring this up and say that it bothers me at risk of becoming too needy and smothering? Or do I wait it out to see how things unfold?
Hi Alex, People generally don’t act diabolical. So when he doesn’t want his ex to be faced with him moving on, it’s not your guy using his ex as an excuse, it’s that your guy still has feelings for his ex.
You ended things before for the non exclusivity. He’s not there yet. You get to decide… stay and be an option and see if over time it changes or move on.
Hugs, Christine
Hi Cristine,
I’m currently in a LDR with a guy I met online. We’ve known each other for about a year now, and been in the relationship for about 6 mos.
Previously, he would let me “meet” his mom, and his friends. Recently however, he suddenly goes out to dinner with friends every other night (he used to go out with friends only once every few mos). And yesterday, he went out with a friend he says he couldn’t introduce me to. We got into a fight coz of this (I couldn’t understand why this particular friend can’t know about me, and his answers were vague at best). And even tho we were still fighting about it, he still continued to meet this friend for dinner, and even ended our vid call when the friend was near.
I don’t understand what’s happening.. should I question this sudden change in behavior that he doesn’t want to introduce me to this friend? Or should I just let it slide and just trust?
Hi Raven,
It sure sounds like he’s playing the field (dating) otherwise there’d be no secrets or rush to get off the call.
I’m curious. The same situation is happening to me. Did you ever met this “friend”?
Hi Christine I just came across this website I was looking for answers. So I’m 24 he’s 50 years old and we have been together for 11 months. We are okay with the age difference and we promised each other that we gonna fight every obstacles on our way. I have met his 2 sons but I have never met his family. I’m always excluded when it comes to family gatherings it’s like I don’t exist at all, especially now that his son just got engaged, I feel like he has asked his sons not to tell anyone about me, it makes me feel sad. When I ask him when am I meeting his family he says one day he’s working on it. I feel like he’s ashamed of me. I’m confused he has met my family and my friends but I haven’t me his. It’s really bothering me.
Hi Lucy,
He considers you an option. Get a second bf fast.
Best, Christine
Hi Christine,
I’m a little confused as to what makes this situation any different than what you described above in this article? I have been with my guy 1 year and 7 months and he doesn’t take me to family functions and no ones but his brother and nephew knows about me. In fact yesterday was Thanksgiving and he bragged to me how his aunt said “you never bring your side pieces around”. Of course she doesn’t know about me but that hurt because he in my eyes denied my love by laughing that off with her and then telling me about it. We live together! And talk about marriage and kids and our future in general so I’m confused if I’m overly emotional or if my feelings are right about it’s unfair for him to expect me to content with being alone in our home for the holidays while he’s gone with his family.
Hi Lelanie,
First of all your guy was mean by telling you about the “sidepieces” comment. That’s a passive aggressive way to let you know that you are one despite living together.
Sorry this is happening. Move. Best, Christine
Hi Christine, I am dating this guy, we met 8 times. At the beginning – first 4 dates he kept distance emotionally and physically and also I saw he was recently active on dating website where we met (he was inactive for 2 weeks before that). I told him I cannot see our relationship progressing. He said he had 2 bad experiences in the past (he proposed and girl told him she never loved him and rejected him and he another one was cheating on him) so he is careful but he is willing to change and wants to keep seeing me. I told him I don’t know if I can deal with his baggage. We didn’t talk for a week. I reached out to him and we started talking again. We met, he said he is sorry, now we are kissing, holding hands, he is more affectionate than before (we did not have sex yet). However, he told me he has facebook account but does not use it (therefore I did not ask him to add me), he still didn’t close his dating account (he is not using it though) and he did not introduce me to anyone and did not mention that. I don’t know if 8 dates is too early? Should I be worried that I might be rebound or he is just taking it slow?
Hi Kate,
it’s way too early and this won’t be a relationship of love. Sorry.
Hi Kate,
I had dated this man from dating app for 5 months. We went from friends to exclusive and now in a relationship. We had a lot of arguments and almost broke up a lot of times. However he told his close friends about me but not yet introduce me in person to his friends. He mentioned his family knows he is dating since they notice he has been going out to meet me. He told his friends he has a girlfriend and mentioned there are time he rejected to meet his friends but prefer to meet me instead.
I asked about his previous relationships. Age 33 this year, He had 3 ex. For his previous ex, he has not brought her to meet his family even after 2 years together because he cannot accept she has a child.
I asked him why isn’t he bringing me to meet his family or friends, he said he would love to but let’s wait till we are stable. He also doesn’t show me his mobile and WhatsApp. Doesn’t like me to call him either.
I had been insecure and do not know if I am the only one.
Hello Christine
Thank you for an amazing article. I’ve been seeing someone for 1 year. I was introduced to him 2 weeks after his divorce was finalized. We grew together quickly and became great friends early on (as I am a widow and understood much of the separation process). He wanted to get serious and become official around month 4. We’ve had our fair share of obstacles but most of our relationship has been wonderful along with continue to grow our friendship. Lately I’ve asked for his plan for marriage and meeting his family (they live out of state). He’s met my family and many of my friends. His response is timing and distance. However, he’s been to visit his family twice this month. The latter visit he took his two sons. When I brought it to his attention he told me he’s got other obligations to handle with his finances than to fly me to meet his family. While he’s been out of state visiting he’s made no attempts to speak on the phone to me around them. Is there a such thing as it being too soon to bring someone around? Or am I an option as you explained to an earlier entry?
Thank you for your response and Happy New Year!
Hi Sheree, I’m unclear if you are at month 5 or what now. When he made things “official at month 4” what did that mean to him? Official what? That’s the question you need to drill down on. Because if it was “sex just between the two of you” that’s has zero to do with long term. Remember, men do what men want to do.
Best,
Christine
I’m seeing a guy for almost 2 months. He say he is living with his sibling and spouse until his house is done in another month. I haven’t met them however he say his mom is visiting from outside of the country for about a month and he say he wants to schedule a dinner between me and his mom to meet. Why meet the mom before the sibling? Is this a red flag? What to think?
Hi Nicole,
I’ll assume you don’t know where he/the sibling live. If that is the case, that’s why you haven’t met the sibling. He doesn’t want surprise visits.
Hi Christine, I loved this article. It was exactly what I needed to hear. I’ve been talking to this guy for the past 5 months and when we spend time together he’s amazing. We go on nice dates, I’ve met his co-workers and some of his friends from his hometown have me on social media. He’s met my friend circle too. I brought up the idea of meeting my parents and at first he seemed put off, so when I called him out on it but in a nice way, he just said he’s nervous and want their approval. Heres the kicker, I’ve been away for the past 3 months. Im hoping when I come back things will fall back into place. Valentines is coming up, his family is visiting and there is a wedding coming up (your article fit me perfectly lol), should I worry about any of those things? Is it wrong to hold meaning behind those 3 things? He knows I want him to meet my family and he knows my family knows he exists.
Hi Wren,
It seems that things are very casual between the two of you and with you being gone for 3 months, you basically are still dating him. Let him lead and see where he’s taking you. Don’t push.
hi Christine, thanks for a good read, I like your fresh intake on things and your advice not to get too fixated on social norms/expectations and how to avoid a victim mentality:) I am in a bit of a dilemma here:
I have been dating this great guy for 8 months now, we started off as work friends approx 2 years ago (he was married) – we went on like a house on fire enjoyed each other company, it was all innocent, he has other female friends and I have guy friends and that was never an issue. We had same intake on life and he helped me get through my messy break up 1 year ago. Our “affair” was emotional only, once we addressed that, he left his wife the next day (they dint have any children, I have 2 from previous relationship) We both agreed to take things slow as we both came out of serious relationships less than a year ago. I wanted to distance myself and give him time to do soul searching as didnt want him to make decisions based on a fling that he would regret later in life. He declined that offer and asked me to be exclusive. He claims he wasn’t happy for past 2 years of his marriage and got emotionally withdrawn a while ago and that this is more than a “crush”. He just finalized his divorce and has zero contact with his ex wife (he sold the house, moved out, got divorced all within 6 months time) . We have had a great 7 months, going on dates, holidaying and having a lot of “hedonistic times” together. we are also great friends and I didnt mind being his support network when he was going through his divorce as I felt like I should repay the favor and talking about his ex didnt bother me. But now he is divorced so my job as a therapist is done. No one mentioned the L world yet, we made no plans re future other than both not wanting to ever get married and we have both not introduced each other to our friends nor family and hardly anyone knows about our relationship. Now this is what is becoming to bother me a little bit but probably more out of validation reasons than me really wanting to meet his family and frineds as ultinmately I will be branded as “the other woman” . We only spend 1 on 1 time (and its always a great quality time!) but he insisted on meeting my kids and is great with them. I am somewhat conflicted as I enjoy the hassle-free ride and how effortless it is and I love my space but the the honeymoon phase will start wearing off soon and not sure there is more to it even though I think we both love each other but we both seem to be hurt by precious relationships, not in a rush to evolve, love our independence plus he still deals with guilt and aftermath of his divorce. I believe everyone needs time to heal after a divorce (even though he claims he doesn’t as he is happier now than ever even he admits he feels really awful at times how he ended it with his ex wife) and even though I am in no rush to get onto the next chapter I am not sure how we will ever get to change this dynamics. This relationship whilst being very fun and effortless starts feeling a bit empty. Do we both sound like we are using each other to rebound? I am not sure what to think about it and how to avoid being stuck at the same point as whilst not willing to get married, i also feel each relationship has to evolve. Or should I just wait and see?
Hi Jan,
Good synopsis. It’s interesting that women downplay their needs to start off with a guy, then down the road, here comes the “I want a future with you train.” You have to have a sit down with yourself and come clean to yourself about what you really want. If you have put out there to him you’re so chill and a good listener/hot friend, that’s what you’ve trained him for. He got onboard for that. I hear the wavering within yourself as to if you really want a full relationship with forward being together or if you want to be chill/casual. You have to sort this out within yourself first and then proceed. Hugs, Christine
thank you for the reply Christine, this is the hard part I guess 🙂
Hi Christine,
I’ve been seeing someone for nearly five months, he’s over at my place all the time, I’ve been to his place. He calls me his girlfriend and told me he loves me. Him and I had conversation about introducing me to his friends. He said, yeah it’s about time that should happen, here’s the thing; this Saturday we spent the day together, and at 5 pm while we’re cooking dinner he says his friends invited him out and he’s meeting up with them at 8:30. I was good with it. He made it seem like a boys night. I just said “have fun”, I wasn’t too worried about it. On Sunday he came over in the afternoon and we were hanging out and he started telling me about his night out. Apparently, his friends brought their girlfriends. This actually hurt my feelings and I’m considering breaking up with him now even though we have a trip planned in two weeks. It was a hurtful to hear about the fact that his friends brought their girlfriends but he left my place to meet up with them and didn’t even offer me an invite? He’s usually pretty thoughtful and understands the impact of his actions. I’m not okay with this and have been struggling with it since last night. On one hand, he’s perfectly within his rights to not invite me out to a night out with friends, on the other, it’s actually quite exclusionary and hurtful.
Hi Mia, I don’t think he knew the other guys were bringing gfs, so I wouldn’t hold him accountable.
I’ve been dating this guy for a year now. He already met my friends but haven’t met my family yet cause they’re living overseas. I asked him when will I meet his family. He told me he hasn’t decided about it yet and told me not to tell him about things he should do. He asked me why I wanted to meet his family. I didn’t bother answering him cause I was already hurt. He was taking things casually and texting me as if nothing happened. I replied to his texts but not my usual kind of replies to him. Until I ignored his text hoping he would chase me. We’re not talking for days now. What should I do?
If you’ve been dating for a year and he hasn’t introduced you, you’re just an option. Move on.
Hi Christine,
I’ve been dating a man for the past 3 months.
We’ve been friends for over 10 years. We were both finally single at the same time and “something happened “. Our physical attraction is strong and very satisfying.
It’s definitely nice being with him because I’ve known him for so long and we’ve talked about everything under the sun over the years. The funny thing is he said he felt the same way about me.
I need advice on how to not scare him away. He’s never been married but has had serious relationships. I’ve been married once. We’ve agreed to being exclusive. It all sounds good but I find myself wanting it to move faster. I’ve met his close friends and he’s mine. He’s okay with taking this relationship slow. I need to know how to relax and let it develop.
Hi Grace,
Wanting advice on “how not to scare a guy away/relax” is what coaching is for. It’s beyond the scope of this thread. I do coaching and so do others. It’d be a wise investment. Hugs.
Hi
I’m dating a guy for nearly a year now and we’ve been official since october. He has met most of my family and friends, but except for his parents i haven’t met anybody. We joke about the future & there are plans i meet more of his family soon..
And I think he has just not that many friends, because he doesn’t meet them often. He always meets them alone or like with his best friend, she also has a boyfriend, but still they go out alone to a restaurant or sth..
Of course he can meet his friends alone or go out to a party with friends without me, but somehow I get the feeling that they don’t even really know we’re together… I mean he is really closed up about past relationships and we took everything slow & it took him like half a year for the first “i love you”. I often invite him to things with my friends, so i would like it if he would do the same…
It doesn’t seem like he is eager that i meet his friends soon. Eventhough he says “maybe we can make a game night” sometimes, nothing more happens
When I told my friends i had a bf, they were like “ohh i want to meet him” , etc.
But I don’t want to pressure him into meeting his friends, his birthday is soon, so I just hope to meet them there if he celebrates… Also isn’t it more important to know the family of your BF? Doesn’t this hold a higher relevance?
Hi Lori,
Yes, meeting the parents is a bigger deal.
Hi
I’ve been seeing my bf for two and a half years now. I am 47, have 2 kids and still live with their father although we are separated. I’ll be moving out this year. He is 30 and still lives at home with his parents. It started as a casual thing but has developed into a very loving relationship, despite the age gap and our very different situations. He has met some of my friends. We see each other once a week and meet at his brother’s flat. I haven’t met any of his friends or family, including his brother. He says he’s not ready for that. He only has one or two close friends and his family are very codependent and dysfunctional. He says his parents would not approve and would be judgemental. He suffers extreme anxiety problems and does not work. I don’t know if I should push to meet anyone but I feel so sad about it.
Hi Louise,
So with all the millions of men, you want to settle for a guy who you’ve dated for 2.5 years and you only see once a week?? And he has no job?? And he lives with mum and dad?? Riiiighht. Start dating other men.
Hi christine,
I wonder what your thoughts are on my situation.
Been with my bf for 5 years living together for 1. He has always kept me at arms length from his friends and family. Wanted to asl my mum permission to date me but a year later I had not met his parents. We onyl met because he ended up in hospital. Later I see his family just do not accept me. We perserved.
When it comes to friends …we moved to a new country both away from our fmailies and friends. His friends came to visit I suggested I take time off work to get to know them better. He said it wasnt necessary and then they were gutted I did not spend time with them and was working! It looked like I wasn’t interested. However, when my friends visited we go for drinks and he decides to come. No issue for me I’d love him to know thise important to me.
But he is in my life yet I feel he is constantly compartmentalising me in his. Either I’m his partner or I’m not…..
Even this week. His friend has come to visit and he just announces he will take her to the airport so will be out all day. No invite nada!
Hi Aisha,
The key word about his compartmentalizing you was in the last line.. he announced “he will take HER to the airport.” Female friends flying to a new COUNTRY to see your man?? Think about that one.
Best, Christine
Hi Christine,
I have been dating my bf for 2 1:2 years. I have met all his friends but have not met his family. He has a child and states that he hasn’t introduced me to his family because he doesn’t want to shake things up with the mother of his child. Am I being played?
Hi Briana,
You say “dating” him for 2 1/2 years. So, if you’re that big of a secret, that’s not a relationship. You’re the secret option.
Hey Christine,
I’ve been dating this guy just short of two years, and we currently live together. It’s unfortunately a complicated relationship. He has introduced me to all his co-workers, but I have never met any of his family members – he said it’s complicated and he’s not ready. Meanwhile, he told me from day one that he has commitment issues and doesn’t know how to explain it to me. My fear is that I’m slowly wasting my life with this guy. He has never told me he loved me let alone how he feels about me at all. He defintely demonstrates that he cares but he never verbally shares his feelings., He said he “doesnt do the whole I love you thing” yet I always hear him say on the phone “Love you” to his mom. The thing that upsets me the most, is that he actively uses dating apps to talk with girls. Nothing more than talking, but it drives me crazy. We’ve discussed this multiple times, but he said its not fair for me to ask him to stop because he told me from the start he wants the apps. I’ve left a few times when we didnt live together and even once we lived together I’ve searched for apartments, but then all of a sudden he acts like we are still together and nothing happened. No apology, no discussion…just carries on like every things normal.
It’s been difficult for me because I’ve never connected with someone so well or enjoyed my time with someone so much. So leaving scares me. This is very little information for my question, but it is possible he’ll come around?
Hi Christina
I met this guy on a Christian dating app since am a Christian myself. Our age difference is 8 years. His the older one. So, this guy is a businessman. Our first date was like 2hours since he had to get back to work. His a very busy man. We dated for 8 months. We could meet for those hours since he has a business to run. I never met his friends before. He doesn’t call much. Usually he would whatsApp call. Still trying to get used to his schedule since I love him.Is this normal?
Hi Amanda,
You ask, “Is this normal?” Yes, it’s normal as in unhealthy typical (unfortunately). However it’s not healthy. It’s not healthy to fall in love with a man who gives you two hours during his work day for EIGHT months. Christian or not, he has someone else and is most likely married.
Stay safe and fall out of “love.”
Hi Christina,
I found out my boyfriend of 1 year has a fiancé and they have been together for 10 years now. When I confronted him about her he just played it off and say I was jealous and crazy. Should I confront the fiancé or let her be? During the time I was with him, I have no met his parents and when I ask to met his friends he always plays it off and gives me an excise
Hi H, Let the fiance be and run away from this guy.
Hi Christine,
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 11 months and it’s been rocky. We’ve had our up and downs throughout our relationship (like any other) but lately the thought of him not introducing me to his close ones have had me pondering lately. He’s only introduced me to his coworkers and neighbors. He never introduced me to his parents, yet his dad has seen me from afar. He says his mom is old school and says his mom would judge me because I don’t speak Spanish (they are Hispanic). When one of his close friends that he usually hangs out with, FaceTimes him, he always asks my boyfriend when are we going to meet in person? My boyfriend brushes the idea aside and tells me that his friend is someone I’d get annoyed of easily. He also has some best friends that are girls. They tell him that they want to meet me and that we should all hang out but it never happens. I told him I’d like to meet them and he tells me that they’re not the type of girls I’d hang out or click with. Deep down I feel like he’s embarrassed and/or ashamed to introduce me to them all. Am I overthinking this?
Hi, I’d say he has a lot of excuses. You don’t have to say. You can find a new man without excuses to keep you a secret.
I have been dating a man for 9 months. He is 41 years old he sometimes suffers depression and he also has ADHD which he takes medication. He is super nice with me when we are together. Good chemistry and never fight. He claims we don’t communicate well but I feel he has trusted me to talk to me a lot about his kids, family, work etc. I like to talk, he is more introvert and when we are together we talk but there is a gap of communication when he is with his kids. He has 3 kids under the age of 10. I am 49 years old and I have 3 adult daughters And I live alone. We are in exclusive relationships and he spends with me all his free time, we live very close. He is with his kids twice a week and every other weekend and while he is with his kids he never calls me and text me very little sometimes it takes him a day or so to answer my text. If I call him I usually only call once to try but he never answers when he is with his kids. I met his 2 best friends but never met his Family or his kids. Also once there was a party for the company he works for and he said it was only for domestic partners I couldn’t go. I go to his house a lot and he comes to my house . He met my kids, Mom and sister. I just wanted to meet his kids so I can spend a few hours on the weekend with him and his kid and no feel so disconnected. I tell him I love him but he never said it to me. I don’t know where is this going? Or maybe I need to have more patience? Thank you
Hi Anabella, You’ve already shown patience. Nine months in with a guy who can’t say he loves you. Believe him. Why be exclusive with someone who doesn’t love you? Makes zero sense.
Hi Christine,
Can you please elaborate on this point you made? I don’t understand it. You say:
You may have, spiritually, created the expectation of healing some deep pain so that you can have more love capacity for yourself.
Hi Patricia,
To the degree we love ourselves, is the same degree we can love another human. To get there, we have to heal (or let go) of pain from the past.
Hi Christine
My situation is… I’ve been exclusively dating this guy for 10 months now. We live 2hrs away from each other. He rings me every morning. We text throughout the day and at night. He has 3 kids from previous marriage. However his last ex GF is clearly very toxic, a narcissist. She took an AVO out on him the day after he broke up with her because he refused to speak to her. game playing. the AVO ends next month. But she has been calling him and threatening to go to the police telling them he breached the AVO (which he hasn’t) unless he tells her who he is seeing now. she got my name from someone and was sending me messages. which I ignored. and then tried to send them to my best friend.
My problem is though, i have not been introduced to his parents or kids, or close friends at this point. He told me that his parents and his oldest daughter do know about me though. and whilst we were friends on social media, he unfriended me when his Ex was threatening him. He tells me he was protecting himself and his kids and me and things will be normal once the AVO is done. I do sense his distress in being able to navigate the tricky relationships and the impact on him and his kids. Should i wait and be patient? i still would have thought i’d be introduced to his family by now.
Kylie
Hi Kylie,
There’s a LOT of drama attached to your guy and it won’t end anytime soon. You have to decide if it’s too much.
Hi Christine,
I’ve been dating this man for 8.5 months after meeting on a dating site. I had just recently moved to California, so the majority of my friends and all of my family live in another state, but he has met a few of my friends over FaceTime. He is from CA, but I have not met anyone in his life. He says that if I meet his kids it will cause problems with his children’s mother, so I can’t meet them either. We also only see each other once every other week to sometimes only once a month because he works nights and has his kids on his off days. We FaceTime often and have said we love each other, but it feels like I’m not truly in his life. My lease is up in August and I proposed moving in together, which he agreed with doing and told me to look at apartments and even sent some links. HOWEVER, he later stated he wasn’t ready to move in together, but THEN retracted that statement as well and told me to look for 2 bedroom apartments so the kids will have a room too. Since we aren’t together often, I will have food delivered to him at work or home, send him pictures or memes randomly, and get him little presents. He really doesn’t do much, and has even acknowledged that I put more effort into our relationship. Whenever I express my feelings about wanting more, he asks why I always think he’s against me? He tells me he’s on my side, but it doesn’t feel that way. Are we in two different stages of our lives, and should I try to be more patient? How long do you give someone to make the changes they say they’ll make? Am I being selfish for wanting more time? Am I putting myself in the victim role in my relationship?
Thanks,
T
Hi Taarni!
I want you to go to Google and look up this term: gaslighting. Your guy is an expert at gaslighting you. Run away from him. He won’t change. And never listen to a word he says. Block him. Go now. If you stay, you are victimizing yourself.