Why Isn’t He Introducing Me To Anyone Like His Family & Friends?
You like your guy a lot, and then you start to notice a relationship milestone that pops up in your mind like many women encounter when dating men: Why isn’t he introducing me to those close to him?
Before you panic and start asking your boyfriend why he hasn’t introduced you to anyone, you need some relationship advice before a bigger problem develops.
Somewhere in the history of dating men, a woman decided, certainly without any dating tips, that if her man she’s dating isn’t introducing her to his friends, family, and parents, it meant the worst. It meant that he’s not that into her, he’s not going to commit, he’s using her, he’s up to no good, and she’s wasting her time with him.
The cad.
But it could also mean, in the relationship milestone hurdles, that the lack of introduction to his inner circle is NOT a predictor of a break-up to come. It could simply mean that he is a guy.
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In the vast land of Signs He Wants A Relationship, is being introduced to his closest entourage an absolute predictor to your future as a couple?
If you scour the Internet there are lots of advocates of just that.
This article says to break up with him immediately if you’ve confronted him about this topic and he doesn’t take action soon.
I’m sure the author had good protective dating advice intentions for women.
For me, it’s about trusting yourself first and knowing that if your intuition is going off like a five alarm bell, you’ll exit to safety. Or get a relationship coach to hold your hand and drag you out of the fire.
But in the regular fare of life, yes, it’s typical (through societal conditioning) to be cool one day with your boyfriend hunk and then suddenly feel panic that he’s not introducing you or inviting you to family or friends.
One minute you were fine and the next minute you weren’t.
I propose that sudden flip-flopping derives from a victim-expectation that you’ve given meaning to which becomes a requirement from you for him to satisfy.
Sort of like at some point there was no Valentine’s Day, and now there is the business-creation Hallmark Cards/Florist/Chocolates Valentine’s Day to prod women to expect love celebration on February 14.
Your victim-expectation goes: if the bf isn’t bringing the Valentine’s stuff, then-surely-he-doesn’t-love-you. A great boyfriend won’t bite because to do so he agrees that you are going to be a victim if he doesn’t serve up.
If you are okay with the relationship and then out of the blue, and tied to a societal belief that “he should be doing ____,” that sort of pressure on a guy to accommodate your dating milestones isn’t going to feel fair to him.
Please watch my video on this topic here.
I know the urgency of looking for those social-proof signs he’s in a relationship with you to the detriment of all the great things he is doing right.
You may yearn for external signs of validation that the relationship is going somewhere besides Breakupville or Nowheresville as though having those signs were signals from the Universe that this relationship was destined for eternity.
I remember a guy I was dating, and I twisted things so that I could meet his children and afterward…nada. It didn’t change a thing between him and me, and it didn’t end up meaning what I thought my mind had conjured it up to be! We did not progress as a couple.
Let’s go back to that fictitious woman in dating history.
It’s 264 BC of men dating and our protagonist has given great weight to whether her Roman gladiator Brutus is sincere to her as a meaningful wife mate in the first relationship milestone ever.
Amazonia: “Brutus, it cometh to my attention you have deprived me of meeting your gladiator friends. I take this as a sign that you doth have no love for me. Please explaineth yourself.”
Brutus: “Huh? I mean…what sayeth you?”
Amazonia: “You go off with your friends and they don’t knoweth of me, thereforest does this mean I am not of serious consequence in your life to be known to others?”
Brutus: “Amazonia, we are off doing great battles. Most of my gladiator friends die with swords in their lower netherlands. Why bother introducing you to them? What bearing dost that have upon our great love?”
Amazonia: “Well what about your parents? I should meet them so that I can see myself as proper in your eyes. There must be signs you want a relationship.”
Brutus: “My parents are 18 days of riding in a chariot away, and, since the empire is under attack, I must do battle to save me and you which seemeth more important than an excursion to meeteth my parents.”
Amazonia: “But without it you may just be using me like a chamber maid, WHICH I AM NOT!”
Brutus: “You doth protest too much. I must don my armor and leave for work. My chariot awaits for battle.”
There you have it. While your sudden and urgent belief compels you to seek an introduction to all of your guy’s closest folks, it’s easy to dismiss that there is someone else in the mix—him–and his desires!
And he has his opinions and views.
They may differ from yours and are no less valid.
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No one holds the omnipresent view point of what action now ensures a “perfect” future later.
He may not want to put pressure on the relationship, he may dread the drama of his parents, he may fear that one introduction will result in pressure to make babies, he may not even have value for such introductions as he’s anti-Hallmark corporation of drummed up meaning for particular events, he may– 100 other things– none of which means he doesn’t take you seriously.
What you want is your relationship etched in his heart. There is where it matters most.
Now let’s reverse it, and we may find that if your desire for your external acknowledgment were to happen, it would not at all move you up the relationship milestone ladder as you thought. It’s just an event that comes and goes.
Let’s say it’s 4 – 10 months in and you have that snap, that moment that “he should be introducing me because I’m not his chamber maid, I mean hook-up.”
And lo and behold, he invites you to his brother’s wedding.
You feel in. Insider in.
This invite to go as your man’s date has to mean something right?
The wedding ceremony, holding his hand, breathing in that he is sending you a signal of future marriage to you. Ahhh.
Him introducing you to EVERYONE ALL AT ONCE on such a BIG day when you are rocking the LBD. There are his parents, his sister, his brother and new wife, all of his relatives, his college friends, his 3rd grade teacher, his orthodontist from high school, even his ex-post college girlfriend who you vaguely thought was only a friend and now you’re finding out they actually dated for a year but oh well you’re with him now, sister!!
You are looking at the wedding reception napkins and trying to decide if your couple initials will be in gold or silver on your wedding day.
Slow forward to two weeks later.
Something has gone wrong. You didn’t see it coming.
As you look at his face and see his lips moving you hear a broken conversation with word shrapnel landing on your ears as your heart feels a death grip only love can bring…
“…thinking…been unsure…not hurt you…understand…your friendship…timing…”
Yeah, whatever. He just broke up with you.
That is why these relationship milestones mean nothing on a significant spiritual level.
And they don’t mean anything without considering the man.
You may be his walk-off-into-the-sunset-girl.
Don’t make events more important than the quality of his love and how you feel around him.
It’s far better not to get caught up in our expectational minds with a flip-flop moment that’s bringing fear and urgency. And those moments could be expecting Valentine’s gifts, or it means he doesn’t love you. Or if he doesn’t introduce you to his parents it means you’re not significant to him. Or if he doesn’t let you meet his friend that means he’s having an affair. Or if he doesn’t stop what he’s doing to meet you to do something, you dramatically assure yourself and him he has ruined your day.
In those random flip-flop moments where you’re creating an expectation that has “victim” written all over it, here’s what to do:
- Realize it’s all a self-created illusion.
- Realize this is just a conditioned moment and dig in to pull out of it. Creating a story of expectation won’t serve you.
- You may have, spiritually, created the expectation of healing some deep pain so that you can have more love capacity for yourself.
- Feel your judgment and angst over what he’s not doing according to your cute mind and pivot to a better direction.
- Do the thing that you always have in your life that brings you joy such as your pet project, your hobby, your thing that satisfies you.
You are okay. You realize that an external socialized marker such as introductions to your bf’s inner circle may not be what society has it cracked up to be. Instead, it’s all about what’s in his heart and your connection to that love.
And, of course, your love for you.
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I’d love to hear from you below. Have you ever longed for your boyfriend to acknowledge you to others to then have it not feel as you had imagined?
Please share and comment below…
Hi Christine,
I am glad I came across your website through google. I have been with my boyfriend for two years now and have not met anyone in his life. He has a son and I understand how parents can want to wait until they introduce their children to their new partner. That I can be patient with. But, I don’t understand why I haven’t met his mom, sisters, aunt, etc…people who he has relationships with. Especially his aunt who he claims he is very close too. I have introduced him to my mom and one of my best friends. I don’t feel the need to introduce him to anyone else in my life because I have not met anyone in his life. He claims he isn’t hiding me, but my gut tells me otherwise.
Hi Chrissy,
If you’ve been with a guy for TWO YEARS and not met anyone in his life it’s because he’s not going to. There could be another woman and he doesn’t want to introduce you and spoil his image.
I’m dating a guy it’s been two years and we live together I’ve only met his best friend no one else no invites on holidays it makes me sad I did fall in love with him but I’m on the urge of calling it quits something just don’t feel right
Hi Pat,
Agreed. Something does feel off big time.
Hi Christine!
I hope you answer this
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years now a nd he hasn’t introduced me with his mom. I want you to know that we met online and video chat and call a lot but we haven’t seen each other in person because we’re miles away apart.
His sisters and his dad know about me, except his mom. And my family knows about him too. Whenever i ask him about it he’s just saying that he has anxiety and he has aspergers that’s why he needs time to tell it to his mom but we’re two years now and he’s still afraid to do it. What should i do Christine?
Thanks in advance.
Hi Anna,
Girrrrl, why are you worried about his mom knowing about you WHEN YOU’VE NEVER MET THE GUY IN PERSON! THAT is what you should be concerned about. This is a case of “the cart before the horse.”
Hello Christine !, I been with my BF for 8 months I meet his closed friends and parents.this took a little of convincing. However I have not meet his children. only by pictures and FaceTime, no proper interaction yet what should I do ?
Hi Amber,
Sit tight. Enjoy the man and let him get to the point of comfort to introduce you to his children.
I have been with my boyfriend 8 months he is legally separated but not divorced. He hasn’t introduced me to his kids, soon to be ex wife or mom, he says it’s not personal, but in time he will. He met my entire family and comes around my children. When I see his wife at events it’s as if she knows nothing about me even though he said he told her. He states up until he met me he had no reason to get divorced!
This is not a divorced man this is a MARRIED man, what part of this are you not getting.
Hi Christine, Thanks for the video, it cheered me up a bit but then I read your answer to the above question. What happens if you have been dating a guy for almost a year and he hasn’t introduced you to his family and only one friend?
Does this mean the same as the 2 year answer? I asked and he said he has no problems introducing me but he would only feel comfortable introducing me as a friend not a girlfriend at this time.. which I’m not happy about considering it’s almost been a year. It just seems so different as tells me he values me that I’m one of the top 5 people in his life. Am I just wasting my time and should leave now as he will never introduce me? Thoughts?
Hi Crystal,
Your guy already gave you the answer… he’s not ready to consider you as a girlfriend. Friends with benefits maybe but not gf status. If after a year he’s not ready to at least say that, (we’re not talking engagement) I don’t see you making gf status. Leave now by dating other guys. You can still date him but know the score.
Not sure if this will change your answer but we are definitely not friends with benefits since we have not slept together in the whole year because he respects my decision to not have sex before marriage.. he has had sex in the past and is divorced. The funny thing is when I ask why he won’t introduce me as a girlfriend to his family, his first answer is because he is not ready to get married. Does this change anything? Or should I still call it quits? It’s very difficult to find a guy nowadays who is willing to wait for marriage. 🙁 He also has baggage from his previous marriage. Thoughts? Thanks so much for your help!
Hi Crystal, My answer remains the same. Friends with benefits doesn’t have to be intercourse–
Just came accross your site on google. I have been with my boyfriend for about 15 months. He is 22 years older. I have 3 kids 10,12,13. He does a lot for them with cookouts and such. He came to Christmas by my family and knows a lot of people from work. I have yet to meet anyone in his family or his close friends, just acquaintances when we go out. He has 2 bad relationships lasting about 2 yrs each after his divorce where they lived together. He made it clear he doesn’t want marraige (I don’t either). He is good to me and the kids and and I see him when I can. He says he is set in his ways being so old (60’s). Is this also one of those its been long enough and I will never meet anyone so its a red flag or more time needed? What are your thoughts on this?
Hi Emily,
For this one, I’d give it more time. He may come around. His “set in his ways” may change. Best, Christine
I’ve been trying to explain this to my friends but they don’t get it. I’ve been dating a guy for a few months and he is extremely busy. Sometimes he alerts me to his busy week and that he won’t be around. I say ok handle your business and I’ll be here. Everyone thinks I’m crazy but what should I assume? He has a girlfriend or he does not like me? I don’t think that way. He goes to Christmas parties without me and my friends are convinced it is a bad sign. Why though? I may be ready to be seen but maybe he isn’t because of any number of reasons. It is of no bearing to me if he ever invites me. He is his own person. I value our time together whether it is public or not. The only validation I need is how he communicates and treats me. If I speak to him one day and he’s busy the next, should I forget about the day we did talk? My answer is no. I value all of it and do not diminish our time because I may need validation. If I were to text him while he’s busy I’d get my validation I’m sure, but this appears weak to me. What is the need other than to appease an insecure mind?
Thoughts?
Hi Caroline, It’s all about context. My concern is that your friends and “everyone” get a sense you’re being played.
I been dating this guy for 4 years and have not met his family yet. I met his friends that we have mutual friends with , but haven’t met any other of his friends When I asked him, he would say I did (refering back to the mutuals friends), then I say what about the other friends. He said I did met them when I shook hands with friend when he was going to a house gathering because I was dropping him off. He said he don’t hang out with them often and when they do its a house gathering. Also, it is not his event to invite people because it is exclusive event. However, when he is at that event, he would respond to me quickly or message me first.
Then I asked about his family, he said he’s not close with them and not in good terms. I asked if his family knows about me and he said they do. It still bothers me because I am very family oriented, what should I do?
Hi Anita, It is possible for a guy not to have good relations with his family and thus not introduce you because he himself isn’t attending their gatherings. You have to see how you feel with him in the context of your entire relationship.
Hi Christine.
I’ve been dating someone for a year. His kids still don’t know about me. I’ve met a few friends but no one in his closest circle. I understand it takes time and he has to feel good about the timing. But my concern is he makes comments about his friends not knowing how long we’ve been together when they do find out. He says he doesn’t want to lie to anyone, but he already has, and it seems like he’s lying to himself. When I pointed out we’ve been together for a year he seemed shocked and then said “I don’t really count the first few months” We’re going on regular dates, sleeping together, took a vacation together in the first two months so I don’t see how that doesn’t count. As far as his kids go, having one myself (that he has spent time with) I know what a big deal it is to introduce someone but I feel the longer we’re together and we keep “hiding” this relationship the more of a toxic foundation we’re building. It seems from comments he’s made that everyone in his circle will have different bits of information and no one will know the full story. Am I wasting my time here?
Hi Theresa,
Well, he’s definitely compartmentalizing you and not making you a known entity of importance in his life with others. Even if you’d met the friends and kids, he may still not be all in with you. Therefore, you have to see how he treats you besides the introductions. If he’s the best boyfriend ever–great. If he’s not all in, start dating other guys as well.
Hi Christine,
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year now, in the beginning of our relationship he kept asking to meet my family. He told me being that being apart of his girlfriends family is one of his favourite things of a relationship. My family really likes him and he’s gotten to know them well. However we went out the other night and he casually brought up that he told his mum he was taking a girl out for dinner. To his mum I’m just some new random girl that he’s just met and is taking on a date, not someone he has been dating for a year. I know a lot about his family as he’s open and shares it all with me. He has a good relationship with all of his family so I’m trying to understand why they haven’t been told about me. I want to ask him why they don’t know about me but I’m scared he’s going to be mad that I’m asking too much. However I don’t feel it’s too much for his family to at least know I exist when he has pushed me to let him be apart of my family. I just want to know if asking him why I’ve not been introduced is the right move in my situation or to just let it go?
Hi Karen, If you’re a year into a steady relationship, you should bring up the topic and let him divulge his reasoning. If it makes no sense or there’s other parts of the relationship that don’t work or he never introduces you, it’s not a good sign. I’d say that if you’re “scared he’s going to be mad” this isn’t a healthy relationship to pursue (whether it’s him or you being falsely fearful he’d be mad). You can’t walk on eggshells, be a secret, and call that love. Do you deserve better treatment? Yes.
Best, Christine
hi Christine!
so I’ve been seeing this guy for about two months. We’re not in a relationship yet, but he calls it exclusively dating. When we go out, and he bumps into people he knows, he never even says who I am, my name, or anything, just as if I’m not even there. Is that him not knowing how to introduce me because I’m not his girlfriend yet, or because he just doesn’t want to? Also, I gave him a few more weeks to decide if he wants to actually be together, or drop everything. Is that too harsh considering it’s been two months? thanks!!
Hi Jamie,
His “exclusive dating” takes you off the market, but what the heck did you get? Nothing. Don’t agree to that. It’s way too soon for a relationship. Date others.
I met an incredible man before finalizing my divorce. He’s been separated for over a year but they haven’t filed yet. Honestly, he’s had several reasons to put it off with his daughters having birth, one of them getting married and late last year his daughter suffered a stroke. He’s 60 and I’m 48. We know for a fact we couldn’t live without the other. When we’re together, all is perfect but we live about 2 hours away from each other. He’s met my teenage son, family and friends of mine. When I bring up meeting his, he tells me that he wants to explain our situation to his daughters (30/35 with husbands and kids of their own) when he thinks its right. He’s concerned that they will boycott our relationship and he wants to encourage all of us to co-exist. Up until January 2019, I’ve been on board with his timing concerns but lately I feel unworthy of his lack of effort. His daughter is coming home from rehab soon and things should settle. I worry that there will always be excuses for him not to seal the deal. How do I try and make him understand my concerns? I feel like I’m only pushing him away. Please help!
Hi Melissa,
This is tough without knowing more of how he treats you, how often he drives to see you, etc. The bottom line is men do what men want to do. Period. I’d suggest my coaching and signing up for my daily pure-gold email.
Hi Christine
I have been with my boyfriend for over 2 years now and I have met his family and friends. We both have children from previous mine is a 6year old and his is a 12 year old. Unfortunately I haven’t met his daughter yet and when I ask him he just says he’s not ready… he’s not that fussed about my daughter too…he’s met her a handful of times. I don’t know what to do, he is amazing most of the time. But it’s hard I’d love to meet his daughter but I just feel it’s causing problems now I don’t feel settled I feel like I’m wasting my time sometimes. I properly love him and couldn’t be happier it’s just this. I’m 24 and he’s 36 I’m wondering whether to give it anymore time or leave the situation?
Any help would be great thanks
Hi Lildiamond, I’d say that two years is a long time not to meet the daughter if he takes you seriously as a love interest and sees a future with you. Since you’re so young, you need to start dating others and tell him you will be doing that.
Hi Christine,
I am actually writing about a work friend. She has been with her current boyfriend for over 1 year. He wont introduce her to his friends, he never sees her through the week (only 1 day a week) even though they work similar hours. They are moving in together into a flat very soon but never even spent so much as a few nights in a row together. She also knows very little about him & fam (he has a good relationship with fam) as he never opens up or has any deep conversations with her. Do you think this is normal or is something wrong here?
Hi Lisa, Something is off. I find far too many couples moving in together who barely know each other but the expenses get cut in half! LOL In fact I find guys wanting to get a woman desperate enough to move in with them but they barely act like a boyfriend and, the guy often will be the student and want the girl (who has a career) to pay MORE for the rent and expenses. It’s a booty call live-in plus expenses. However, your friend may be too under the ether to wake up. Might he have another woman in the mix goes through my mind…
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 6 years now. Friends for 16. I’ve never met his family, even though I’ve explained my frustrations with this. Hes met mine, yet he makes no effort to get to know them at all. When I ask him why he wont introduce me to his dad (his mom passed away 3 years ago… I “met” her at her funeral… where I showed up and he hurriedly rushed me outside to “get some fresh air”… where I left because I felt extremely u welcome by him)… he tells me he has no reason, that he doesn’t know why hes like that. He knows it hurts me and make me feel like I’m some sort of embarrassment yet he still refuses. If it was me looking in, I’d call myself a fool… and idk why I’m still in this… I guess because of how long we have talked and been friends. This big elephant will always be in the room though… I’ll always wander why because he will never tell me.
So I think my story is the same. But I need advice. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 2.5 years now. I have meet everyone he knows and hangs out and I have tagged him in a few pictures on Facebook and he didn’t say “take those down!” So it didn’t bother him. We spend almost everyday together. We give each other space by me going to dinner with friends and him hanging with his friends. I have met his dad once. He had got hurt and I went to the ER to see him and his dad was there. That was about 1.5 ago. He has told me when I ask him if his family knows of me and he has always said yes. But I don’t know why I haven’t met anyone else I think the only reason it’s starting to bother me is he had a close family member pass away and not being able to be there for him at the funeral has bothered me.
Now I can tell you I have been married and the ex in laws were horrible people. So for the first 2 years I didn’t want to met his family I figured his friends that he is close to know me and like us together meeting his family didn’t matter to me because I don’t want this to be another horrible situation. But the last 6 months it’s starting it has started to bother me. I have that one day I want to meet them the next I could care less.
Hi Diane, It sounds like you’ve communicated to him with a question, so if distance isn’t and issue or he doesn’t like the other family members, then express to him that it would be nice to meet the others and “what do you think?” and see what he says.
Hi Christine ~
I guess I need some advice. So my boyfriend and I have been dating 2.5 years. We both are in situations where I live my dad and he live with his mom. For myself I moved in to take care of my mom when she was sick and when she passed away I just stayed. I don’t want my dad to be alone since he is older. His situation I’m not really sure if he has just got it made and it’s easy I’m not sure? I kinda think it’s to help his mom out as well. My boyfriend is closed off it’s really hard for him to communicate to anyone. He has slowly come around to me but everyone else he doesn’t. It’s hard for me to get simple answers from him.
But I don’t know how to ask him about the future? Maybe because of how my last marriage ended that I am closed off as well. I just don’t know how to come out and ask I’m I just a FWB and we hang out and act like boyfriend and girlfriend or we are the real thing.
Hi Diana, If you have to wonder if you two are ‘for real’ and if you don’t know, the answer is you’re not in a real thing relationship. If you were, he’d go out of his way to make sure you knew.
Hi Christine,
I met a guy through game and we started talking using an app and later exchanged phone numbers. We were in different states. We just exchanged photos. We never did a video/met in person. We did talk on phone for hours and we did this for 4 years. I started having feelings for him but I didn’t see any sign from him. So, I thought I would breakup. And my mom passed. During that time I picked silly fight so I could breakup with him. But then he said, you are doing this because you like me more than a friend and he proposed. This happened in sepetember 2017.
In April 2018, I moved to his state for work thinking it would help this relationship. We met on the weekends for dinner. He said it would be good if says hi to my sister as we were hanging out frequently. Later in the year I told him that I want to be introduced to his family as well. But he wasn’t ready. I told him that I am not interested in the relationship as he was being secretive. I gave him ultimatum Abt breakup. He finally took me to his brother house and I introduced me as friend. When I questioned he said people could call as friend only not girlfriend.few months passed. In Feb 2019, he travelled to another state and again referred to me as friend and I’m tired being called as friends. When I said breakup he said he said he would put speaker on and tell everyone that I m his girlfriend but he would not take me to there house or anywhere forever. Now he is asking me to book a flight to his brothers house. He is torturing me saying “I forecefully entered his brothers house for Thanksgiving in 2017 as I said I would break up”. Everytime he says it’s ur way and forcefully entered my brothers house.
#he said he would not travel for me but he travelled for his neice..
Based on this, do you think guy loves me ?
Hi Nancy, I want you (and others) to read your comment again and again until it becomes clear that while this is a screwed up “relationship” this isn’t the classic guy-adores-me-and-we’re-in-love-respectful-out-in-the-open relationship. All the way back in your first paragraph you say you talked on the phone for 4 years and then you decided to “break up.” Using the words “break up” you make it like you were in a relationship. You weren’t. In reality you should have “just stopped talking to him.” You’re “relationship” was talking. You were each other’s security blanket. Not boyfriend/girlfriend. He made that clear then, and NOW. You’re not his girlfriend. Run as fast as you can. Get a dating coach.
Hello, I have been dating my Boyfriend that I met in my best friend wedding. he is her older brother. we have 1 year and a half now and he has met all my kids but I haven’t meet any of his family. he is still married to his wife that cheated on him several times. they live separate however she comes and go in their house as she pleases. they work together and have big financial attachment that will be hard to deal with in a divorce. however he said he won’t divorce because is hard. he is a very good man to me he spoil me to max. we travel about any place I tell him to. he goes beyond caring is a long distance relationship too. we sleep together with our phones every single night we speak every morning before I go to work. we value our time and we are very jealous of it too. I love him but I don’t know if our relationship ever will lead to a marriage. Please know his kids knows he is talking to me but they don’t know my face. he will answer his phone to me any time if I call him don’t matter if he is with his “wife” but this made my heart sad still though.
Hi I’m Kristen and I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 4 months. I have told all my friends about him and family and he even met some. I have not introduced him to my children because that is much more sensitive. All I ask is that he tell his family about me. He says he always waited until he felt it. He has said he loves me, we are totally exclusive. I’m not looking to meet anyone, just for him to say he’s in a relationship (he’s not on social media so I just mean in real life). He has a daughter and I don’t ask he tell her as that’s more sensitive. It makes me feel like he doesn’t believe in this relationship even though he says he does and it’s such a special connection. I don’t get what the big deal is in saying I met someone and been dating her? I feel that he’s hiding me. I was honest with everyone I know. I don’t like the secrecy. Am I wrong?
Kristen
Hi Kristen,
Four months is too early to declare “it’s a relationship.” Wait until 6 months in and see how you feel about him. Remember, it’s your life. You have choices.
Hi Christine, my name is Andrea and I have been in a long distance relationship with a guy that I knew in high school (35 years ago). Thank you so much for this article, because I have been feeling exactly what you talked about. I haven’t met anyone in his family, that he works with, etc and no one knows about me. I’ve talked with him about it and I know his son took the divorce very hard, but his daughter adjusted to it better. He says the reason he hasn’t told anyone yet is because he needs to tell his children first and doesn’t want them to find out about it from someone else, which is certainly understandable. I just got back from spending 2 weeks with him and was hoping to meet someone, but it didn’t happen. Your article has helped me greatly! I’m thinking that he’s just fearful of how his children will handle it, even though they are both over 20. Thank you, again. I feel more clear-headed now on this subject.
Hello,
I’ve dating my boyfriend for a little bit over 2 years. When I me him he was still married living away from his marital home for 8 years, after many conversations and arguments he hired a mediator and started the process for divorce. During this time I introduced him to my entire family and friends, including my 2 children. I have a boy who is 21 and a girl who is 17. On the other hand I only met his sister after one year together. He has 2 children, a boy who is 15 and a girl who is 17. He recently less than a month ago finally went to court and the divorce was signed. It will take about 3 months for the final divorce certificate to be issued. During our time together this is the only meaningful thing we fight about. He is kind to me and my children, very thoughtful, every one in my family really likes him, tells me he loves me…My daughter is very comfortable around him but can’t understand why I don’t know his children. I hate when she questions me and I don’t have an answer. He has been leaving out of the marital home for 10 years now. Every time I ask him about it he doesn’t give me a straight answer and shuts down. We won’t talk for 3/4 days… I am always the one who goes after him. He tells me that his kids know about me, I believe him but I think it’s something they don’t talk about. His mother knows about me because she made me a scarf and he sent me a pic of the text message him telling her I liked it because I didn’t believe him. This is very frustrating. I keep thinking it’s something to do with me. I am a foreigner, very independent and very open with my kids about everything . His family on the other hand, including his ex seems to be very private, closed minded and leaving in denial. They never told the kids they were going through a divorce and I believe they still have no told them they went to court. I don’t know where to go from here, please help me.
Thank you
Hi Mari,
If all is going so well between the two of you and the divorce JUST happened, give it three months and then see how he moves on with you. He may have guilt issues about the divorce. You’ll have to decide if this is something you want to put up with another year because if he doesn’t “move on” and include his kids in about three months, it’s not going to happen and he has doubts about you.
Hi Christine,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for over 2 years. In the beginning he talked about his daughter who is same age as my daughter and his son who is bit younger. Now 2+ yrs later He stopped mentioning his daughter. We move in a few months ago and he finally brought his son over to spend the night but never introduced him to me or my daughter. I felt so bad about the situation because my daughter was there and he never introduced them, he slept with his son in the front room and kept him in the front of the house with him the entire morning. I asked why he did that and he replied “I’m sorry I don’t know what to do” I was also never introduced to his mother and when I ask, he would say “she knows about you, I don’t know why you make a big deal out of everything”. He also claims that he doesn’t haven’t many friends or family. I know of his family through other people but he never actually introduced me to anyone. He have met everyone in my family. I’m so confused and hurt.
Hi Latoya,
You’ve been dating for 2 years and he says “I’m sorry I don’t know what to do” about introducing his son who he brings over to your house?
It’s simple. What he really means is, “I’m sorry, I don’t know what to do when I have huge commitment issues and want to toss you a crumb because I don’t want to commitment to you. Introducing you to my kids means that you mean something to me. I can’t define that and I don’t want to so I’ll play stupid and confuse you and my son.” Not very loving and no wonder you’re confused and hurt. He’s acting like a cad.
Hi Christine,
I’ve met this guy on a dating app and we were sleeping together before we became a couple. It went on for a few months before I gave him an ultimatum, “all or nothing” meaning either to end things completely or to be in a committed relationship. He chose the latter and we have been officially together for 6 months now.
However till date he has not posted any pictures of us and has not introduced me to his family and friends. i’ve asked him about it and he said it has never occurred to him to do so. On the other hand, he has met my family before.
What does it mean when it has never occurred to him to introduce me to his family and friends?
And i’ve got a feeling that he might be still on various dating apps, and still meeting up with different girls though he claimed he isn’t.
Is he together with me just for the sex? What should i make of this relationship?
Thank you for your advice.
Hi Kathleen,
A guy who is thinking of a woman long term introduces her especially if he agreed to a committed relationship. However, if a guy just said the words to keep the woman interested, he’s just doing the bare minimum to keep her interested but not really claim her as his mate. Now, your intuition screams RED FLAGS. Listen to your intuition.
I have been with my boyfriend(fiancé) for 7 years and we have 2 kids together. I have not meet his family and specially his grandma (which he is close to) I ask him about if and the answer he gives me is that they don’t care about me and that they don’t like me.. I ask him that how does he know that if they haven’t met me yet. And she just says “because I know”.. he is very close to his grandma and he talks about her all the time. I ask him when am I going to meet her and he says one day you will. He also has said that she doesn’t care about me and doesn’t like me.. I don’t understand why he says that when they haven’t met me.. he claims that his family is just that way.. it really makes me feel like if he is hiding me and that he is lying to me.. he gets mad when I tell him that I feel that he is hiding me.. and I asked him to for me to meet his mother and he said no because she is dying and he doesn’t want me to meet her that way.. his mom was in the hospital and I asked him for me to go with he and he said he wasn’t going to go see her but then ended up going.. it gets me upset but I don’t know if he is just wasting my time or if I’m just over reacting.
Hi Jessy,
Wait. You’ve been with him… engaged… for 7 years plus 2 kids and never met his family??! Whoa. Have they met your kids? If they haven’t, then he’s not lying. His family doesn’t give a crap about others. Let it go. Who would want to meet them??!! I wouldn’t.
I’ve been dating my partner for two years. He met my children about 14 months into the relationship. He has two children I haven’t met yet. About 18 months into the relationship his Mum came to visit from overseas for 3 1/2 weeks. He didn’t introduce us. All his family are overseas so I’ve not met any of them. His previous partner met his children and moved into his house very quickly. I’ve never pressured him because I understand kids have to take precedence over adult relationships, but I’m starting to feel like he mustn’t think I’m worth introducing to his kids (but his ex was). He has recently met a few members of my family briefly after declining many previous invitations. He doesn’t come to my family events and uses that time to be with his kids. He never stays at my house overnight if the kids are home but will drop by for a short time. We spent 3 days camping with him over Christmas. I thought that might precipitate a meeting with his kids but nope – nothing.
I want a relationship that is more – I want to live together and plan a future together. I don’t want to push for it though because I want him to really want it – not to just head that way because I’m sick of waiting and he thinks I may move on.
In all other aspects he treats me well – he never makes me feel bad, is affectionate, loving and talks several times a day on the few days a fortnight we aren’t together. Should I keep waiting or move on and lose a relationship that is otherwise good?
Hi Matilda,
I’m sorry to tell you that you are only an option for him. He does not see you as a long term girlfriend. He’s nice to you to have the creature comforts you provide. If you want a relationship, you have to find a guy who is into you as in “all in” not in for just sex and talking.
Hugs, Christine
It’s been four years and he hasn’t introduced me to any family or brought me to any of his family holidays. Have met his kids but haven’t seen them either in 2 years. He used to take me everywhere with his hobbies. He relocated because of his business and then he bought another business and will not let me meet his business partner or any of his employees. He always busy with them who basically are his friends now too and he won’t introduce me or bring me around anyone anymore. Says it is unprofessional. I’m not sure to agree or believe in this anymore. He always has excuses and tells me to be patient– once work settles down everything will get better. Still won’t bring me around any of his family says when he does he wants quality time with them an not me around. Yet he goes around my child and my family. I don’t know what to think anymore.
Cheyenne, if you want something to think about, how about finding a man who could become your boyfriend, because this guy not only isn’t your boyfriend, he’s using you as an option.
I’m with my boyfriend of six months, we both have kids and spend time alone and also doing things with them. his family live about 4 hours away so I haven’t met any of them, his mum knows about me. his cousin is in the same town as us for couple of days. i havent been offered to meet her and his ex wife is having dinner with them and their kids , it just makes me feel like with his ex joining them that I’m not important.
Hi Christine,
I’ve been dating a guy for about a year now. We’ve been exclusive for a few months, and officially boyfriend and girlfriend for about a month. He has never had a girlfriend before me (mind you he is in his mid-thirties). I’ve met most of his friends but not his family (due to cultural reasons I respect that this may take some time before I get introduced). He definitely has a fear of commitment, but he has made big steps, going on vacations together (he had never been on a couple’s getaway), going to birthday parties together (also a first for him), date nights (didn’t even know what it meant). I appreciate his effort and am okay with taking the lead and teaching him what it “means to be in a relationship”. He even made an effort on valentine’s even though as you said this is pure the social expectations of being in a relationship. What you said about focusing on how he treats you, how he makes you feel really spoke to me. But I cannot help to still take on this “victim” role especially because lately (after the official talk) he does not introduce me as his girlfriend. He says that it doesn’t come normally to him and that if reminded he will do this but it has happened twice now, he gladly introduces me but without this “girlfriend” label which for some reason means a lot to me. I’m very scared that this means that he still wants to keep his options open or that he is ashamed of me, which sounds very silly but it’s how it feels. The second time this happened I got really mad and he promised to make more of an effort the next time, but I don’t believe him, I think it’s an excuse and that he is stringing me along (even though his actions besides this says otherwise and he is an overall honest-sometimes-too-honest person). For some reason this labeling and declaring that I am his girlfriend is very important to me. How do I calm myself down and realize that this doesn’t mean what I’ve made myself believe it means, or does it mean he that he indeed is stringing me along.
Kind regards,
KC
Hi KC,
So much to unpack here I’ll jump to this: You’ve taken on the role of the bf. You’re the teacher/leader/director. Men (even clueless men) will resent this. Also, just because he does “all these things” with you doesn’t mean you’re the one. If you’re the one, he’ll introduce you to his family and stand up for you (unless they’re incarcerated). Your gut feeling that he’s stringing you along is valid. Best, Christine
Hi Christine,
I’ve been seeing a guy on and off over the last 18 months. I had come out of a long term abusive relationship (with 4 kids) and my guy had never really had a committed relationship before (hes 45).
I’ve had some major trust and self confidence issues – with everyone – and he finds it hard to open up or connect.
We were friends of sorts before we got together- we knew each other and we have connected quite strongly – we both have never had someone that quite understands the other as we have.
But I’ve never met any if his close friends at all. I hear all about them.
Neither of us has introduced each as partners to family either. Hes met my dad once at my birthday , and hes always known about my kids (only 2 left at home) and gets along well with them. I’ve met his dad a couple times in a professional manner and his mum once when I went to pick up something.
From what I can gather – to his important people I’m just a friend or I dont exist. Hes told me he doesnt want to tell anyone until we are 100% that we both love each other – and for him that would mean marriage and forever. He told me hes 95% there but there just things he cant overcome yet and that my instability (trust and insecurity from my past) is making it hard for him to sustain.
We went on a 10 day overseas holiday – just the two of us – and he didnt even tell anyone he was going with me. That struck me as odd.
I’m starting to feel that I’m just not that important in his wider life. His very private and he doesnt like people asking him about what he is doing (that’s not just me but everyone). I just don’t know what to make of it.
Hi Emily, If a guy isn’t all-in, he will act like it. If you don’t feel all-in with a guy, you’ll act like it.
I’ve been with my bf for 9 months, exclusive at 3 months. He is a busy surgeon working 90-120 hours a week. We met each others’ best friends only once around 2 months in. I’ve invited him to go to group dinners with my other friends, but he was too busy with work. I told him once that my mom wants to meet him (a couple months ago), but he changed the subject. He flies home to visit his mom for the weekend at least once a month, but has avoided letting me go with him. He doesn’t have much of a social life because he works so much. There have been a few work events that he went to alone, because he wants to keep our relationship separate from work (we work at the same large company in different locations/departments). We are not friends on social media. He has brought up moving in together a few times, but won’t talk about a timeline. We used to see each other 4-6 times a week, but the past 2 months, it has been 2-3/week or less, said work has been busier (and more travel than usual) and he just wants to sleep, although he calls me for a few minutes every couple days, checks in by text almost daily. He used to make time to see me, but at the expense of sleep. He is very affectionate and tells me he loves me all the time. He gives me his undivided attention when we go out to dinner or drinks. He is very sweet and playful with me and asks my advice on serious things. I love him and feel like I could spend the rest of my life with him. My family thinks he should know I am “the one” by now and are pressuring me to make sure he is not stringing me along. My couples-counselor friend thinks he is a little non-committal. My married guy friend thinks it’s no big deal. Should I be concerned and ask him why he won’t introduce me to his mom or be more social with me? When should I consider leaving? I’m 40 and want a family, he is couple years younger.
Hi Catherine, You are exhibiting quite a bit of masculine energy which will push away a guy. Switch to feminine energy (this has to be studied) and things might improve.
Hi Christine,
I’ve been dating a guy for 4 months, he hasn’t told any of his close friends about me. He lives with his roommates, he hasn’t taken me to his place because he doesn’t want me to meet his roommates yet, or even be near his house. He does spend a lot of his time with me. Is it still too soon for him to even mention me to his close friends or even take me to his place? He says that it’s still way too soon to do any of that.
Hi Lil, It’s not too soon if he’s all-in with you and not using you as an option.
I also forgot to write that , he has me as his friend on his social media but he doesn’t click like on any of my things so none of his friends see it. Nor does he have in a relationship on any of his social media. One time I found out that he had more than one fb and he explained why but did not want me to know the name he uses and when I told him why he kept it from me , he said that I’m not his wife for him to be telling me every little thing.
I have been dating my boyfriend in a long distance relationship for about 3 years as of May 5th 2019. I still haven’t met his mom or anyone he’s close too besides coworkers. He claims I will meet her soon and that she knows about me but I still wonder why hasn’t he bothered to introduce me? He’s always texting me and calling me so if I was a secret why communicate so much? I also have NEVER been in his house EVER. Claims his mom doesn’t like the condition their home is in bc they live in anproject building. But my thought is.. we’re long distant I rather stay at his place then my aunts who lives nearby. I’m starting to feel like a secret in his life.
Dear Crys,
Instead of feeling like a secret in his life, you should feel “not like a girlfriend” and move on. He’s not into you.
Hello Christine,
I’ve been in a relationship with a guy for about 3 and a half years now. He has never introduce me to his family nor his children and every time i asked him about it he gets upset that I bring it up because is a topic that takes us into an argument. I bring him around my family and friends and I’m very open to people knowing about him. I broke up with him for three months because of that same reason of me not knowing his family, his reasons had always been that his children doesn’t need a mother and that his family lives far from town. Another reason why I ended the relationship before was because I found out through Facebook that he had two other kids in secret. He actually didn’t like me to have social media and during the time we were not together I opened an account on Facebook and that’s when I found out of the other two kids. Later on after three months passed, we got in contact again and he explained himself about why he lied to me. He said he wanted an opportunity to be with me in a relationship and that if i knew the truth I wouldn’t of want to be with him. We talked through it all and we decided to continue with the relationship. Now another three months have pass and everything was going smooth until he left for the weekend to see his kids and eh let me stay at his place. When I was at his place I always had a curiosity to go through some boxes he had downstairs by the living room and he also had a box in his closet, which he would always get upset if i were to go through his things. I decided to take a peek and I found many love letters from a lot of his exes stored in those boxes. I got really upset about it and I decided to send him pictures of the things i saw, which made him very upset. By the time he came back to his place we got into a big argument and he asked me to leave, so i did. After all this happened, i decided to change my number and not get in contact with him at all. The only thing that is bothering me is that i still feel guilty of leaving him by himself, because i know he needs help. What do you think about this situation?
Hi Jen,
Why does he need your help? He’s a grown man. Regarding the spying you did in his home and then complaining about his things stored in boxes…not cool on you. He was right to ask you to leave. How can he trust you when he can’t??
I met my boyfriend 10 months ago in school. I never thought we wouldve starting dating because we was having fun. Im a single mother of one and in college, I just wanted to travel and have fun. He invited me during the friend period to BBQ where I met his friends only on a hi bases nothing to remember long term. I never met his family. The relationship was good the intercourse is amazing and very intense. Were really drawn to each other in a intense way like were meant for each other. I feel he messed the relationship up because he told me he loved me. He said im his future wife and were moving in together. My son absolutely adores him because they watch movies together, he help with homework, we cook together till the point he cook for me when he can. My problem is his words trip me up because i dont believe him. I have trust issues from my past relationships this is why I was okay with the little rendezvous. They way he talk made me me look at the relationship as being serious, so i thought it over and said why not have a championship. Fast foward 10 months later i never got invited to no Bbq or any event, never remet his friends as a girlfriend never met his family. If i only met one friend i would take this relationship serious but we developed an abundance of love between us its starting to hurt. There is obstacles between he shortly got a round the clock job and hes a workaholic. He also DJ with his main friend he consider family. I work nights and attend school during the day. We barley see each other but at time will face time each other, he came over for mothers day and cook but we get in alot of disagreements about the friend and family. He want me to trust him, believe in us and have faith which I have a hard time doing because he can be selfish i would call him no answer but he can find his self on social media. They only time he pay attention is when i get upset and i say i dont know about the relationship. He jump and wana come by. At times he can be full of himself.He insisted this and i feel like he stringing me along
Hi Lisa, It sounds like you have a lot on your plate with your child and school. Your guy is busy too. There may be love between you two, but the stresses of life are leaking into your bond with each other. Try to separate your connection with him from life stress and see if you can inject love back into your time (even limited time) together. Let’s see if things improve. At the end of the day, you want love.
Hi Christine,
I have been dating my boyfriend for eight months now and I’m not sure his family even knows anything about me, which I don’t know how to feel but I know we won’t meet for a while because he and I live in Hawaii and his parents live on mainland USA just like my own parents. What I am more concerned about are his friends. He has met my roommate and some other friends of mine that we have bumped into before but I don’t invite him to outings with my friends because he never seems to have any interest in going and he has only ever invited me to meet his friends and his cousin one time and then that eventually fell through. He also knows many of my friends names and I only know his best friend’s name though I am much more talkative. But he has friends who come to visit him here and he never invites me to hang out with them. Could this just be that he doesn’t get to spend time with them so he doesn’t want to share the time when they are here for a short while? But I have a friend visiting me soon and I cannot wait for her to meet him. He has also told me that only a few of his friends know much about me because “his other friends don’t even know anything about each other much less his dating life.” But shouldn’t I be important enough to talk about? He says he never really talks about his dating life with his friends because he is very private but I feel like I talk about him all the time because he makes me happy. Do I just not mean anything to him or is it too soon to even worry about it? He did ask me when my best friend was coming to visit and said that he would meet her and her husband because I said they really wanted to meet him and he seems to care if she likes him. I’m just concerned that I am not important to him. Am I worried for nothing or are my concerns valid?
Hi Ash,
You may be important to him but not as a long term girlfriend, or yes, he’d be introducing you ESPECIALLY after 8 months. So the bottom line is he doesn’t want his friends to know he’s seeing you. Why? Could be another girl is in the mix somehow. Guys use “being private” as a feeble excuse for non-boyfriend behavior. Don’t fall for it.
I’ve been w a guy for 7 months- exclusive and committed But not official. We’ve taken trips together but I haven’t seen his place, met his friends or anyone. He’s FaceTimed me from his place so ive kind of seen what it looks like- he calls me every night and texts me every morning. When I ask to see meet his friends etc he says that’s a big step for him and it takes him time. But I know in the past he’s introduced girls he’s dated much much sooner. Not sure what to think here …
Hi Ray, If a guy is all-in, he’ll introduce you and bring you to his place. Typically guys who don’t bring you to their place have a reason–another woman is in the mix and he doesn’t want you feeling comfortable to the point of stopping by unannounced.
Hi Christine,
Thanks for the post! I randomly started freaking out about not meeting anyone yet from my boyfriend’s life. We have been dating for 3 months now, so this post calmed me down a little bit. I asked him once earlier in our relationship, but he seemed uncomfortable with it then so I dropped the subject because it was too early for me to be upset. He also didn’t want to meet my friends when we were talking about this, which I thought was quite odd. This was probably when we were nearing the 2 month mark.
Still, I want to meet his friends (his family all live in another country so I don’t think it’ll happen unless we get more serious) not only because it is a relationship milestone but also because I want to see what kind of people they are. Birds of a feather flock together, so how do I learn more about this important aspect of him without pushing for meeting them and pushing him away?
Thanks again for the lovely post! I definitely needed it as I was jumping to conclusions at 3am!
Hi Bina, Yes three months is too soon. Keep dating other guys so you don’t fixate and pressure this guy.
Hi Christine,
I’m dating this guy for 7 months now. He’s 29 and I’m 24, he met my best friend and close friends. But I haven’t met his friends and family yet, tho when he hangs out with them he sends me pictures of them then tell me who’s this and this. He also describe his family to me and let me see their pictures. When I ask him when will I meet his friends he told me in time, since his closest friends are with kids and family now so it’s hard to set things up and he doesn’t want me to introduce with just random friends. Should I consider this as red flag? Or should I wait and don’t pressure him in this matter?
Hi Yuri, I’d be warm to him every time you see him but not bring it up again. Let’s see what he does when there’s no pressure.
Best, Christine
Hi Christine, I’m dating this person for the last 9 months or so, I was introduced to his daugher from a previous marriage, and to his Mom and brother, not as his girlfriend, but just as my name, he introduced me by name to them. In the other hand, he met my son and most of my family and friends as a boyfriend. I attended his daughter’s sweet sixteen where most of his family, close friends, ex-wife and ex family in-laws gathered. I was not introduced to a single person there. He left me alone by myself most of the party, luckily, I had traveled with common friends for that party and was able to covered up my sad feelings. He is been very apologetic and told me he wish to reverse time but he can’t, and only can offer me his apologies. Yet, I felt humilliated, hurt and lonely. In general, he treats me well and is very gentle with me but I’m still hurt for this and I’m not sure if this relationship has a future. Any advise?
Hi Male Besoliva, This one I would say will require you to get over your hurt feelings. He is taking you to these events and anyone with a brain can read between the lines that he’s dating you. If he bothers you a lot, break up, but if you stay you have to end your hurt over this and realize he’s loving you in many ways, not just in the words YOU need. Hugs, Christine
Hi,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year now – it will be a year this August. We have had a complicated relationship from the beginning as we were coworkers and had to keep our relationship on the DL. Once he got a different job that got better and I’ve met most of his friends. He has met lots of my friends and family, but I still haven’t met any of his family and his parents don’t know I exist. We love each other very much and he tells me he wants to be with me forever but I find it hard to accept that’s true when he won’t tell his parents about me. He says he hasn’t told them yet because he is afraid that something bad will happen after he tells them and that I will leave him and then his parents will be disappointed, since whenever he introduces someone to them they eventually break up. I’m not sure if that’s just a cover up excuse for what the real reason is for why he won’t tell them. I think part of it may be our age difference. I’m 22 (almost 23) and he just turned 36. I love him so much and I don’t want to pressure him to tell them about me but it really hurts my feelings that he hasn’t yet and it worries me for our future. My friends and family feel uneasy about the fact that he hasn’t told them yet. If you have any advice about what I should do I would really appreciate it. Thanks.
Hi Sam, Yes, after a year of dating and you’re still a secret?? That’s not reasonable. Men who truly want a woman will go to the mat for her. I’m going to speculate he’s more concerned with his parents giving him grief that you’re so young.
Hi Christine
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 5 years. In February, he said he wasn’t ed to get married and settle down. A month ago, he wanted to break up because of his work schedule, re covering from. A severe injury and the hour and a half distance between us. We discussed all of this and decided to continue to try to make it work. A week ago, I made dinner at his place for him and his rookie trainee. This past week his family has been at his place and he has told me not to come visit him while they are there. I have never met his family. I have asked him why and been given assorted reasons – his brothers girlfriend is his ex-wifes best friend, his parents Cathokic religious beliefs, etc. I have asked him if there is someone else – he has said no. I have told him it makes me feel like a dirty secret. Thoughts?
Hi Laura, Sorry to hear all of this. Five years in, long distance, and he’s attempted to break up– let him go– and find a guy who will introduce you to his family by six months or so. Feel the pain now of ending this or feel in in ten years after you’ve spent another five years putting your life on hold for a guy who’s not all in. Best, Christine
Hi Christine,
I’ve been with this guy officially for 3 years but we dated 2 years before that, we are in a committed relationship . During the first year when we were just dating I slept with someone else I didn’t think much of it as we were just dating at the time. He was upset about that because he said he thought we were exclusively dating although we had discussed no such thing . Fast forward to the present he has met my entire family including those that live abroad . I have met his brother and his father but not his mother who he is the closest to . He says it’s complicated and she knows about me and I will meet her eventually . We live together whenever his family calls he leaves the room.He doesn’t invite me to family celebrations even when friends are invited . He won’t post any pictures of us on social media and removes any tags if I tag him in pictures. He says it’s cultural reasons as he is Arab although his family is not religious . He says it will be easier when we’re married . What should I think of this ?
Hi Hope, You ask, “what should I think of this?” Probably realize/think that he’s a person who will hide information from you (or his mom) as he sees fit. He will be honest when he feels comfortable. This is how he’s wired.
I have a similar problem I’ve been with my boyfriend long distance for 3 years. Culturally there is a language barrier because I don’t speak Spanish but I haven’t met his family yet. And I gave him a ultimatum last week that if I don’t meet his parents sometime this year. I’m going to break up with him. He said ok, but gave me a really hard time about and said he didn’t understand why I wanted to all of sudden, because I never pressured him before. And he kept throwing it in my face that I couldn’t speak Spanish and that all I would be able to say is hello. I’m wondering if I still should or not.
Hi Emily, Why would you want to be with a man who ridicules you over not knowing his native language?
Hi, great article! However I am confused on the same topic as well. I am with my bf for a bit over 1 year now. We are very happy together and spend all the time with each other. We as well live together for around 6 months.
He’s a few years younger than me, meanwhile I am a widow with 3 kids. He met my kids, best friends and met my parents on short occassions while helping me with small things. He is very closed person for people who are not very close to him and he told me he doesn’t like to share anything what comes to relationship with anyone. Occasionally he goes out with his friends, but never invites me to meet them. However when his sister came from abroad he immediately introduced me with her and we spent a few evenings together. So I am really confused here. It seemed to me that he is maybe embarassed that I have kids since his friends are only starting families, but then his sister comes and she knows nearly all about me. Then again he really avoids any of my possible contact with his parents and I never met them.
I am really hating myself for wanting that recognition. How do I release that?
When it comes to my feelings for him I know that I dont need anyone to say whether he is good for me or not. I feel crazy happy with him and I see he feels the same.
Hi Helen, You release it by focusing on the meaningfulness of the relationship with each other.
Hi Christine,
I’m a mother of 2 and in a relationship with a married man who is a father of a 9months baby girl. Our relationship was initiated by him and we’ve had the best moments together but as the months passed by and his family started getting hints of his change in behavior he has not been himself and we hardly get time together anymore now we r in 2 different states and we only connect over phone calls everytime I ask him if we are ever going to be together for life he is so clueless of how to make it happen and is unable to directly call it quits with the other woman and says that he is worried that she might affect baby. I have no support from my family either and I don’t mind not having them around but loneliness of having no one around no friends not even him when I need a shoulder only because he can’t contact me when he is around family is getting to me so much that I’m suicidal. I can’t have my kids with me cause I work and have no one around to take care of them when I’m at work. I’m so lost cause everytime things seem to get worst when we are apart. Should I say I know he truly loves me or should I say I’m just making myself believe he loves me I’m not sure what I should be doing. I can’t live a second without him and he says he’s unable to hurt his dad at the moment cause his dad had a really bad accident lately and the doc’s had asked them to keep anything stressful or shocking away from his dad. At times he comes out as this confused man not able to make a decision for himself and at time it seems as though the situation at his place is wearing him down I don’t know of if I should hold on or let go. But the thought of him having to handle everything alone is something I just can’t accept. When he’s with me he makes me feel like I’m the only one in the world but the moment we are away or off calls he seems like a total stranger. I reli need your help.
Hi Jeniffer, Dear one, if you feel suicidal you must reach out locally to a counseling center, therapist or community clergy. Nationally you can call: 1-800-273-8255 to the National Suicide Prevention center. No man is worth taking your life over. Your babies need you. Many hugs, Christine
Hi Christine,
I’ve been with my “boyfriend” for almost 6 years. I’ve never met his family or friends and he’s never met mine. Every time I ask to meet his, he always ignores or changes the topic of my conversation. He brushes it off by saying “yeah…” but never “sure, one day” or “yes, I’ll make it happen”. It had gotten to the point where he’s never said “I love you” and part of me understands that he’s not the emotional type of guy, but another part of me also feels like maybe he really doesn’t love me. I am at a point in life where I would like to know where we are headed as j would like to start planning for the future – buy a home, perhaps get married and start a family, but if he is not ready to do that, I would like to know. Every time I bring up the topic and ask him to be honest with me, he always says “I will think about it and let you know” and that never happens. What do you think I should do? I love him dearly but I cannot wait forever.
Hi Annette, Shift yourself from needing his verbal anything and focus on his non-verbal. His non verbal is he has what he wants after 6 years and you don’t . Move on. He’s given his maximum.
Hi Christine,
I’ve been in a relationship for about 3 months now, known my bf for 4 months total (it’s been an accelerated relationship). I moved in with him after only about 2 months of us being together/knowing each other. He told his parents and family about me around the time I moved in. I’ve been here for 2 months now, his family lives roughly 25 mins away and he visits them about once a week. He’s told them about me and showed them pictures of us and told me his mom said i’m “pretty”. However, I still have yet to actually meet them. A part of me wants to not worry because he’s told them about me and all of his friends know I exist. But he’s extremely close with his family, visits them regularly and will leave me at the house when he does. Also, I’m 19 (junior @ university which also happens to be his mother and sisters alma matter) and he’s 29. They know my age though. Should I be concerned?
Hi Skyem, The bigger issue is moving in with somebody after two months. The odds are that within another month he’ll want to break up. But if it lasts, he should be introducing you by five months.
Hi, I came across this when Googling a memory about my Dad from another perspective in the situation. When I was in high school my Dad went back to school and when he graduated from his program a woman I didn’t know came to his graduation. My parents had long since been divorced and my Mom told me later that lady was super rude to her. I didn’t know who she was though. She talked to my Dad and she gave him balloons, but my Dad didn’t introduce her to any of us (my whole family was there for the occasion) and she didn’t talk to us herself either. I honestly kind of thought she acted kind of creepy or something, and it weirded me out a bit that she acted like the rest of us weren’t even there. I always kind of thought my Dad wanted to wait to tell us he’s seeing someone to make sure they’re right, but also maybe to make sure we didn’t have a bad reaction. When I was small and my Mom started dating again I had a lot of tantrums and hated all of them. I was in high school then, so I had more perspective that my parent isn’t being replaced, but I’m sure avoiding similar awkwardness was on my Dad’s mind. I never did actually meet that woman, but years later my Dad introduced me to someone else and she was cool.
So yeah, I think sometimes you have to think about the other perspective too.
Hi Liz! Thanks for sharing. Super helpful for adult girlfriends to hear the perspective of the child when dad is dating.
I came across this website when I was searching for answers. I normally come to google when I seek answer for question and read to understand more. Now my boyfriend and I have been talking for over 8 months. We met online and we met also in person. He is a fun loving person, moody at times but also the sweetest thing ever. We go out when I visit him and he once take me out with one of his friends. I met his aunt and she likes me alot. Now his sister is coming to visit him and I want to meet her but he is saying no. He is asking me, will it change anything if I meet her or not. Now I dont know what to think…..
Hi Susan, When a guy asks you “if it will make a difference or not” he’s feeling you are more into meeting family than into him.
Hi Christine,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 2 years and a couple months. He’s 34 and I’m 24, we both agreed that age difference was not an issue. He has 2 kids and I have a daughter. I’ve never been introduced to his family, kids or friends but he claims that his family and friends know about me. He says that me not meeting them doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me or doesn’t want to take me serious. He’s met my family once due to it being my sisters wedding. After that I’ve tried inviting him to family gathering but his excuse is that he is shy and he doesn’t really like to go to family functions. I really care about him and want this to work but at this point I don’t know what to do.
Hi Mela, If you’re 2 years into a relationship and you’ve never met his kids or family, he’s not shy. He’s avoiding commitment with you.
So my boyfriend and I have been together a year and a half everything’s great however I don’t have a relationship with his daughter who I’ve met a few times nor have I met anyone else in his life. I’m trying not to obsess over it but sometimes the thought creeps in that maybe he just doesn’t want to be alone. Even though I know he loves me, there’s also one other issue. I’ve never been to his place, I only know of the general area that it’s in. He’s been to my place and we have gone on vacations but I’ve never been to his home. He is doing renovations that has led me to believe he may just be embarrassed by the state of it but when I bring it up he gets defensive and quickly changes the subject.
Hi Samantha, If you’ve “been together” for 1 1/2 years and NEVER been to his place, guess what? He has another woman who either lives there or is frequently there.
Hi there. I just came across your website as i sit here sobbing in anger and self-pity at work. I’ve been with him for almost two years. His parents and family know about me. He FINALLY put a picture of me out on facebook (without signing who I am to him). My 8 year old daughter and I have met his dad but that’s it: no other friends, no family members. My friends frankly hate him because he has broken up with me a million times. Not the subject here though. His Dad invited us all (myself, my daughter and him) to a family event this Sunday. My partner showed me the message from his dad and said: you realize that I am not bringing you, right? You are not ready to meet my family. You are too (insert any bad word here) too sensitive, too unpredictable, we can start fighting and I don’t want that to happen in front of my family (trust me, I do get like that but only when he triggers the hell out of me and i would never do that in front of anyone’s family or at any event). Also he said he just won’t go. Then today he says he’s going. “i told you I’d be going”. He didn’t. The whole shpill again about how unnecessary this whole thing is, how he doesn’t have to tell me when he goes to see his family and so on and so fourth. I am so hurt. Am I overreacting? Is it time for me to put an end to this? Please advise.
Hi Pixie, For your own emotional health, it sounds like he is clear that your emotional overwhelm is too out there for him and you admit for yourself to. I would recommend a dating/relationship coach to help you know a great guy from a toxic guy and how to keep your self esteem intact vs. come unglued to make it all work.
Hi Christine,
My boyfriend told me he wanted a serious relationship and we have been dating for almost three months now, it’s been great, he has been consistent , he calls and chats with me everyday , even video calls,he told me he loves me , then stopped because I wasn’t saying it back , following that, for two weeks now I observed he has been withdrawn and then I visited him at his family house for the first time cause of an accident he had. I met his family, close male friend and abfemale friend of his .
However, he didn’t introduce me as his girlfriend, neither did he introduce me as his friend . What bothers me is,he didn’t introduce me to the female friend , he didn’t show affection, he didn’t sit by me ,he sat away, I mean , the atmosphere was weird . He sensed what I was thinking and assured me she was just a friend . He showed me affection only after she left .
My instinct tells me she may like him and he knows or likes her too and he isn’t mentioning
that he has a girlfriend to her . I just feel there is something between them , if not yet, it could be building up and he isn’t building a resistance or he may be open to dating other ladies .
I am not in for a rush , I mean I have been ok with how we are going. This insecurity just started.
Christine am I over thinking ?
Hi Nini, If the accident had not of happened and you didn’t go over there (I assume uninvited) he would have played this slow fade around the four month mark anyway. You and this girl are options. Your insecurity is valid. Who wants to be second fiddle? Thus, the intuition kicks in.
Best, Christine
This guy is playing both of you, get out now while you can. Women waste too much time on bad/go nowhere relationships.